irst hearing or reading the word "monogamish" one wonders what is this word? For some, it may ring of a new social construct, or in layman's terms, a recently "made up" term. Let's delve into it further.
Quick Guide
1. Introduction to Monogamish
2. Definition and Origin
3. What is Monogamish?
4. Differences from Traditional Monogamy
5. Etymology of the Term
6. Relationship Dynamics
7. Benefits of Monogamish Relationships
8. Setting Boundaries
9. Monogamish in Practice
10. Conclusion
1. Introduction to Monogamish
What does monogamish mean?
The word "monogamish" is a strange word for most made to confuse, or parse the relationship narrative. To make it even more complex and confusing, when in truth, the goal is to do the opposite in one's life. Simplify one's relationship. So let's begin, all the way back to the beginning.
2. Definition and Origin
Monogamish, is a "term" coined by the well known sex columnist Dan Savage. He created the term for what he has described as a relationship dynamic that combines both elements of monogamy and nonmonogamy. A hybrid of sorts if you will.
3. What is Monogamish?
Where does the difference lay then? Well, strict monogamy sounds exactly as it is - where exclusivity is paramount. In monogamish, proponents would agree, is when the couples in the relationship allow for occasional, consensual exploration away and outside the relationship boundaries. The question then becomes, what exactly are these boundaries and what does monogamish include, or not include? There lies the issue.
Awareness
As you can see in the infographic above, regardless of the various age groups, the awareness of the term monogamish is still relatively unknown. Even the largest group in our survey, the ages between 24-29, only showed a 14 percent awareness.
Key Aspects
Some would say monogamish includes activities like flirting, occasional casual encounters, or participation in consensual non-monogamous experiences. That to me sounds very similar to an open relationship. But it is not. It lies somewhere in between, Sex therapists and psychologists say the key distinction lies in the flexibility which is intentional within the relationship. That partners sit down, and communicate exactly what their desires are. Then both parties establish agreed-upon boundaries.
Customization and Goals
Most importantly, the parties prioritize trust and transparency, and make sure this is the cornerstone of what they consider to be a Monogamish relationship. It is said that a monogamish relationships emphasize customization. The level of customization is dependent on the couples themselves. Any desire, or any commitment is exclusively made to match their own unique needs and desires. It is not a one size fits all type of relationship. You make it uniquely yours. The key, or underlying premise or goal here is to achieve a dynamic that promotes both emotional connection and individual autonomy.
4. Differences from Traditional Monogamy
As we have outlined above, monogamish sits somewhere between a regular relationship and an open relationship. The term was popularized by sex columnist Dan Savage, an internet personality, writer, and advocate of more open and fluid relationships. He argued that monogamish represents a flexible approach to romantic relationships that deviates from traditional monogamy.
Rules and Boundaries
Unlike strict monogamous arrangements, the rules for this relationship are set down to what degree by the couples themselves. The belief here by its proponents and believers of this hybrid relationship, is that they acknowledge that the occasional outside experiences can enhance their connection without jeopardizing the core commitment.
5. Etymology of the Term
That is a good question. One always assumes that most words in the English language have their origins somewhere in the Latin language. This is certainly not the case here. The term "monogamish" was originated by the popular and outspoken sex advocate and sex columnist Dan Savage. It is believed he was the first to have coined the term.
Advocates argue the true definition of monogamish is a relationship approach that falls somewhere between strict monogamy and open relationships. Believers in this type of relationship, dig deeper, and say that word monogamish captures the essence of embracing a spectrum of relational possibilities. But, they say, the key is to maintain a core commitment between each other. That is the underlying basis of monogamish. That these terms and rules, allow individuals to navigate the complexities of modern relationships in a consensual and transparent manner.
Note, this concept entirely is constructed on the premise that the potential exists for occasional sexual or romantic encounters outside the primary partnership - subject to the consent of each partner, and communication being the cornerstone to its adherence and success. While there is commitment, and a strong one they argue, monogamish is still a fluid approach that evolves, is very nuanced, and relies on each partner's ability to be honest with themselves and their partner, and to fully embrace trust in the monogamish relationship.
6. Relationship Dynamics
Most studies have shown that there has been a real rise and acceptance of relationships outside the norm of a monogamous relationship. Critics would argue that this acceptance and rise is not that great, and has been overvalued and over inflated by its advocates.
Believers claim anything beyond a standard normative monogamous relationship, argue that non monogamous relationships challenge traditional norms surrounding romantic partnerships. That in the incredibly diverse spectrum, which is still being explored and growing, that there are many non-monogamous arrangements.
Modern Evolution
Further, within this spectrum, one of the more popular approaches, in a very nuanced fashion, is the concept of being "Monogamish". Proponents trumpet the main benefits and pros of such a relationship versus the more staid sexual monogamous relationship.
7. Benefits of Monogamish Relationships
The benefits are numerous, many proponents would argue. A lifestyle that is modernist, pragmatic, and honest about each individual's wants and needs in a relationship. Monogamish relationships offer a very subtle approach to the whole concept of romance, and romantic relationships.
Flexibility and Growth
The dynamics of a Monogamish relationship are many. Purists comment it has a flexibility that most other relationships do not and cannot afford. Under this type, that it allows couples to openly communicate and explore their desires within an agreed upon set of boundaries and rules to adhere to.
As you can see in the above infographic benefits seen by the various age groups are very low. Only in the 24-27 years of age group is there some - albeit - brief agreement at 4 percent that there is a benefit.
8. Setting Boundaries
All would agree that having a Monogamish relationship is quite nuanced, and can have its issues without establishing clear and honest boundaries. There are several factors in play to make a Monogamish relationship work.
Communication and Check-ins
Equally important, proponents argue that to make a Monogamish relationship work well, one must establish defined and established regular check-ins. They believe by having such check-ins, it can foster better and more honest dialogue.
Managing Jealousy
Jealousy and insecurity are not mutually exclusive in monogamous relationships only, it can exist in any relationship. A monogamish relationship is no different. How to avoid the pitfalls. As with most human emotions, nuances exist.
Plus, one must recognize that occasional feelings of insecurity are natural, Therefore, partners must work together to address these emotions with empathy and understanding. One must establish a secure emotional connection that emphasizes mutual respect. These are key pillars in cultivating a healthy monogamish relationship. If one does this at the beginning of the relationship, then jealousy and insecurities can be constructively managed. In the end, contributing to a more fulfilling, a more healthier, and ultimately, a more happier connection between individuals in the relationship.
9. Monogamish in Practice
In theory, almost any different type of relationship can work. However, in the practical world, it takes more than theory. For a monogamish relationship to work - it takes a nuanced approach to intimate relationships outside of the primary relationship, that should evolve beyond traditional monogamy.
In our survey graph above, practicality ranks at very low numbers. The highest group, again between the ages of 24 to 27 only state it as 6 percent overall in being practical. To do so, one must adhere to open communication. Honesty is another strong pillar in the primary partnership that one must believe and practice in. This will then allow for consensual exploration beyond all its problems and conflicts that could arise if honesty and communication are at the forefront of the Monogamish relationship. It has been stated that monogamish individuals prioritize emotional connection with their primary partner. This is a fine characteristic, yet, the partners must acknowledge the potential for additional, non-exclusive encounters.
10. Conclusion
Doing so involves mutual respect, consent, and clear boundaries. You must create a dynamic where individuals can navigate their desires in a manner that is consistent, open, and responsible. If one does this, then you can foster a monogamish relationship that combines the security of a committed loving relationship. A relationship with the freedom to explore consensual connections within any framework you and your partner find enjoyable, honest, and liberating.
Key Takeaways
* The ability for Open Communication
* Boundaries that can be clearly defined
* Consent that allows both parties say
* Trust is essential moreso than other relationships
* Desire is respected
Related Topics
- Ethical Non-Monogamy
- Different forms of non-monogamy
- Impact of dating apps on relationships
- Social norms changing on commitment
- True Communication in your Relationship
KEYWORDS in the Article
- Monogamish,
- Dan Savage,
- non-monogamy,
- relationship dynamics,
- communication,
- boundaries
Q + A
Some brief questions to see where you may lie in the monogamish spectrum:
1. How familiar are you with the term monogamish?
2. What aspects do you find most intriguing?
3. Do you think society is evolving on this?
4. Would you try this form of a relationship?
FAQ
Q: Is monogamish the same as an open relationship?
A: No - monogamish relationships have much less frequent outside encounters. Compared to the above they maintain a stronger bond on the primary partnership vs open relationships.
Q: How do couples in monogamish relationships handle jealousy?
A: They address jealousy through various techniques such as open communication, empathy for one another, and creating clear boundaries. However, this is harder to put in practice than theory.
Q: Do Monogamish relationships work long term?
A: Yes. However, you must have strong communication, and mutual respect. There is much effort and understanding from both partners to make it work long term. It is not the easiest relationship structure to have success with, however, it can be done with adherence to various rules.
Disclaimer
Please remember, there is much variation and diversity in life. Within this variation come various expectations and differences. What may work in the article above may not work for others. While this article does provide great insight and strong fundamentals to this form of relationship. However, it is limited in its scope, since every relationship is different. Follow your heart and mind to see what works best for you.
Survey Numbers
The graph data and informational data was sourced from independent samples from various organizations such as X, Twitter, Threads, Reddit, Tik Tok and Quora. The sample was 25,000 people from these sites, and the margin of error of 7 percent. Questions were not posed to individuals in the USA, rather results are tabulated and organized from responses online in this sample.
Written By: Anthony Rand. LLM BA BA
About the Author
Anthony Rand is a relationship expert with over 35 years of experience in advisory services. He has dedicated his career to helping individuals navigate the complexities of modern relationships, from dating to long-term partnerships. A prolific writer, Rand has authored numerous articles on topics ranging from online dating strategies to building lasting marriages. His insights draw from both extensive practical experience and strong academic foundations. Rand holds multiple degrees, including an LL.M. (Master of Laws) and two Bachelor of Arts degrees.
Updated January 14, 2025