When one talks about dating conversation, the question becomes, is dating conversation when you first meet and then chat over a series of days and weeks. Or is it only applicable when you meet for the first time?
Chat Date.
This topic tends to be a difficult for some. The reasons are many - but it shouldn’t be, its text. It is way simpler and sometimes better than real chat.
Lets start from the beginning. My theory is that the art of conversation is dead. If one looks at the vast amount of chat messages - it has come down to a bunch of symbols and emojis. Chats tend to be one or two words plus stickers. There are no more sentences, and paragraphs are unheard of. Am I wrong? When I was single and using various websites and apps for dating I was shocked at the lack of grammar, sentence structure, or even original thought in peoples messages. Is there nothing worse than getting an introductory message “Yo” “Heya”, etc. Can you write the word “hello”? Is it that difficult? Then I realized it also could be an age gap or generational ideology.
On the bottom line here, it seems if you are comfortable with someone who chats with mostly stickers and one word answers, or perhaps you are that person, you will get along with those of similar style. I don’t believe that two different texting styles will ever work in the long run between people.
First Time in Person Date.
Now, lets get to the fundamentals of having a conversation with someone. There are certain rules to follow when chatting with someone live for the very first time on a date. Unlike dates in the golden years pre technology, chances are you would have already talked to this person many times, exchanged phones, video chatted perhaps, and gathered a lot of information. So, you are not coming in cold on this date, and you are way ahead of the game compared to previous generations. So, the rule here is then, don’t blow it. You don’t need to impress anyone. By this time, the person sitting across from you already has a good gauge of who you are, they just want to get to know you better, your mannerism, your laugh, your sense of humor, and lets not forget your eating habits.
Ice Breakers.
At this point, do you even need an ice breaker? I wouldn’t think so, but lets assume for social science’s sake that you are meeting the person for the very first time. Information is limited between you and the other person, and you need to make a decent and good first impression. We are not looking for home runs here, singles, doubles, its all good as the saying goes. Now, in my book of first time dating, you do not need ice breakers. What you need is sincerity, and your own personality. Do not change - (unless of course you are a foul mouthed slob then we need to chat.) Stick to how you behave and act around friends. Now, for those who get tongue tied, or too nervous to chat and think of what to talk about, lets look at a few supposed ice breakers.
Some have a list of questions that they ask - tried and true - lets see if they warrant any merit in public. Asking the person to tell them something they would not know about you? I would answer meh. This is almost a child like question. Some may find it too intrusive in the beginning. You can come up with something certainly better than this. Another popular question, if you could visit a place anywhere at any cost where would it be? Not bad. People like to talk about their trips, what they did, and where they would like to go again. A good question, it can open the person up to more conversation in other subjects, and gives you some insight into their personality.
If you could have any job, what would it be? I wouldn’t blurt this question out cold, rather, if their career, or work comes up, then would be an appropriate time to perhaps ask. In the right context, it could work and be a good conversation opener. In the wrong context, it sounds like you prepared, which is something you do not want coming out in a first date. Instead of asking how do you see yourself, which seems too intrusive, and too strange to ask on a first date, a better way to detour this type of questioning would be, how do you friends see you? Do you think they are right or wrong? How many friends do you have? Do you consider yourself social or private. All these questions can come about naturally and sincerely, with one leading question properly stated to the other party. Again, its all about context and timing. Is there anything you are truly passionate about? A decent ice breaker - again, you have to put it in the right context. Simply coming out with it on its own sounds like your prepped for a test - which is no good - or you have a list of twenty questions you are playing - again not good. However, any answer from that can lead easily to a set of further questions, which is always a good thing.
No Questions.
Do not ask questions about certain hot topics. That would be two big ones - religion, and politics. If however, you see that they fall into a particular camp in any particular religion or political leaning, feel free to ask questions, but do so gingerly and cautiously as you read the room. You want to make sure you do not put your foot in your mouth, and kill the date by something you may not be able to take back, or later regret. Some people are very passionate about either or both subjects, their foundation or bedrock of beliefs.
Conclusion
Be yourself, be sincere, but also, be careful on certain subjects, always be polite, and good luck.