Ah, the do’s and don’ts of the first date. You would think by now, that most people would have the fundamentals down, but they don’t. It seems to get worse each decade due to some would say the increasing use of technology at our fingertips.
Introduction
We all have our horror stories about dates, and most of the time, they arise from someone breaking one of the first date rules. Avoid these actions to ensure a successful outcome for your first date. To assure that you have a successful first date, below are our top 10 lists for the commandments to follow.
Index
- Be on Time
- Be Polite
- Don’t Be Too Forward
- Show Interest
- Handle the Cost of the Date
- Dress Appropriately
- Keep Your Phone Away
- Be Kind to the Help
- Avoid Hot Topic Issues Away
1. Be on Time
Don't waste time. Make sure you'll be there on time. It shows you care about the date and don’t take things lightly. No one likes to sit around waiting, especially for a first date. Being late by a few minutes is fine but anything over 10 minutes can be a big warning sign. A lot of people would agree to it, a person who is late is trouble.
I'm going to be Late
If you know you’re going to be late, inform your date as soon as you do. Texting or calling them quickly won’t take much of your time, but will show respect for theirs. Also, leave your place a few minutes early for potential delays like traffic or finding a parking spot.
2. Be Polite
Many people nowadays forget to be polite. Being rude, even unintentionally, will most certainly turn them off. Be polite in your talk with your date and be respectful to them.
Saying please or thank you are great ways to impress your date. Make sure to give your date a genuine compliment, open the door for them when appropriate, and maintain eye contact. When you and your date are polite, the atmosphere becomes a lot nicer.
3. Don’t Be Aggressive
Do not be too nasty. Dating apps have set certain standards regarding what is expected of both sides. But as always, let it run its natural course. Be perceptive and acknowledge how your partner is feeling. Don’t avoid cues!
Don’t go all in with getting touchy or making outlandish suggestions on the first date. Don’t invade your date’s space, let things happen naturally! You should first build a connection before becoming more physical.
4. Show Interest
Being ignored is the worst. You will always be heard. Follow up with questions, even if it’s not that interesting. When your date talks about their pet spider, show some genuine curiosity. It won't hurt you and will make them feel better.
If you show genuine interest in what your date has to say about their life or opinion, it can spark up a good conversation. Don’t interrupt your date or steer the conversation back to you all the time. Your date will find you attractive if you show enthusiasm and interest for their interests.
5. Pay for the Date.
Don’t Be Awkward About Who Pays for the Date. There are mixed opinions - some say the man pays, others say the inviter pays while some say share the bill. Don’t get weird about it at the table—if you asked them out, you’d better pay. If they really want to split, then just go with it.
A smart tactic is to start planning ahead discreetly. Let them know casually before the date that you will split. If you want to pay, pay. But don’t be too obvious about it. Making it as comfortable as possible for both of you is the key. There is another school of thought here - which reflects - I agree. If you asked the person out - then you pay!
TAKEAWAYS
- Punctuality Matters
- Politeness is Mandatory
- Respect A Person's Boundaries
- Active Listening Will Help You
- Handle All Expenses
6. Dress for the Occasion
Wear the Right Outfit For the Occasion If you show up in your sweatpants and not-so-well-kept outfit, it shows how much effort you’re willing to put into this date. You need not be an expert in fashion, but the way you dress shows the amount of respect you have for yourself and your date.
Pick something that suits the atmosphere of the date while ensuring your own comfort so you don’t look awkward. When unsure, it’s better to be overdressed than underdressed. A clean look and smell work wonders in helping you create a good first impression.
7. Keep All Phones Out and Away
Don’t read your phone all the time on a date. That’s rude. Don’t take out your phone unless it’s really an emergency. Whether it’s an emergency, first apologize for using your phone and explain the scenario to your date.
By being fully present with your day, you show that they have your full attention. This will not only help to build a connection but will also show respect. If you’re expecting an urgent call, inform your date in advance so they’ll know what’s going on.
8. Be Kind To the Help
Say please and thank you. If you are polite and courteous to your date, that’s great! But what if you’re rude to the waitstaff? It Shows Feeling of Entitlement. Treating others well especially those who serve you shows your real character.
The way you treat others speaks volumes about your character. A tiny expression like, “thank you” works wonders and over it a smile. The way you treat other people will say a lot about you and how you treat your date. A simple thank you or a smile can always go a long way.
9. No Medical History Please!
Don’t bring up surgeries over dinner. Avoid sharing your personal medical details until you get serious with someone. Some things are just best kept to oneself.
Health problems are your business; reveal them bit by bit in a relationship. Sometimes honesty is important but not all things should be said. It is better to talk about light things on the first date instead of serious ones.
10. No X’s please!
Only talk about your ex if asked, or everything could escalate quickly. Say it without speaking much. Avoid talking about being dumped or how you haven’t still gotten over your ex—it makes you look unavailable.
Don't make your date feel like a rebound by talking about your ex or your former relationships! Make sure you are more concerned about the person in front of you than the past. Avoid talking about exes and past relationships.
Conclusion
If you were to follow all these ten commandments religiously, you will surely have a great time on a first date. It is important to always make a good first impression. If you abide by the tried and tested rules, you may get blessed with a second date! All you want is a second date- isn’t it so? After you survive a first date and get the nod for another, it’s up to you to make things go your way. Remember to always try to follow the 10 commandments of dating - first date or last date.
5 Takeaways:
- Respect and Consideration Do Matter – Please arrive on time, be polite to your date, and show interest in your date even if you are not interested.
- Engagement Over Distraction – Keep your phone away unless it's an emergency. Always focus on the person in front of you. They deserve it.
- Dress for Success – It is true. Wear something that makes you feel comfortable and confident. Feeling like a million dollars goes a long way on a first date.
- Mind Your Manners Always – Treat your servers, your date, and those around you with respect. No one likes a jerk especially to the wait staff.
- Keep It Mixed – Avoid discussing hot topic issues - such as your medical history, your previous exes, or personal topics on a first date. No one wants to hear about your fungus toenail!
1. Written By: Anthony Rand. B.A., B.A., LL.M.
2. About the Author
Anthony Rand is a relationship expert with over 35 years of experience in the dating world. He has helped individuals navigate the complexities of modern relationships. He has authored numerous articles on topics ranging from online dating strategies to building lasting relationships. He holds degrees, including an LL.M. (Master of Laws) and two Bachelor of Arts degrees.
3. Disclaimer
Please remember, there is much variation and diversity in life. Within this variation come various expectations and differences. What may work in the article above may not work for others. While this article does provide great insight and strong fundamentals it cannot answer all the issues. It is limited in its scope, since every relationship is different. Follow your heart and mind to see what works best for you.
Updated February 4 / 2025