Speed Dating. Often thought of as a poor long lost relative from the 1950's, it is now making a comeback. Let's take a closer look shall we?
Introduction:
Right off the bat, I have to tell you, I’m not a fan of speed dating. I have always had these visions of what speed dating entails in various sitcoms and movies, and it never ends well. In fact, I would argue that speed dating has morphed into online dating. The principles seem the same—you get to see a lot of people in a short amount of time. The only difference? You don’t get off your couch, no need to dress up, and you lose the chance to humiliate yourself. Is this the only and real difference, or is there something more? Let’s take a closer look, shall we?
How did we get here?
The Birth of Speed Dating
The birth of speed dating is actually confirmed, surprisingly enough. One Rabbi Deyo—I kid you not—invented it in the latter part of the 1990s.
Why did the Rabbi come up with speed dating, you ask? It seems the Rabbi made a very wise and astute observation. After witnessing a few dances, he noticed only the good-looking women and the men who were courageous ended up with dates. He said everyone else was plum out of luck.
Why not, he thought, increase the success for all people involved, not just the good-looking ones? While the intent is noble, one has to ask—based on the Rabbi’s conclusions—what group does that leave me in? That seems like a bit of a backhanded comment—the lesser people and ugly ones need a solution. Hence, I need to go forth and invent speed dating!
Speed Dating vs. Other Dating Methods
Let’s see the differences between speed dating and all others.
The first is, you can state that speed dating is a more formalized process. Everything is set up for you, and people are vetted properly. That is a good thing indeed. No use wondering if someone’s pictures are real, if they have a criminal record, and so on. Some agencies do a better job than others in the vetting process, but that’s standard for the cause.
The question, though, is do they vet your particular preferences very well? My guess is no—not as well as you would do online. Only you know what is good, bad, and—pardon the pun—the ugly. The best a dating service can do is kind of put you in a group of either similar interests or likes, and maybe physically match what you are looking for. But I doubt that very much; otherwise, you would see the Rabbi’s invention of speed dating all over the dating map—which it definitely is not. More of an acquired taste.
BE HEALTHY
The Stamina and Endurance Factor
Another question I have is stamina and endurance. Do you meet and greet these people before the sit-down? Or are you allowed to mingle and see someone from afar, knowing this is my best shot right here and now at number 15?
Another thing for speed dating—as mentioned above—is patience and stamina. It’s like a marathon, except here, how long is this marathon? Do I get to see 10, 20, or 30 people? How long are the sit-downs? Are we talking 2 minutes, 4 minutes, or 10 minutes?
By the time you are reaching the end, your best material and patience have already been tried long ago. That is why you need to approach speed dating in a methodical and consistent marathon-like behavior. See how long you have. Pace yourself. Don’t waste yourself on someone you know is not going to work out. Don’t be a hero of civility. You know who you are interested in, so give it your best 4 minutes.
THE RULES
How to Act on a Speed Date
I would assume it would be no different than a real date—except with someone substituting your date every few minutes. A bit like Groundhog Day, I would imagine. Rinse, repeat, and play over. Well, at least keep the fundamentals correct. That would be the following:
Attire
Still—dress to impress. No use dressing downmarket, even if it’s a casual environment. Keep your outfit simple, neat, and not over-extravagant. Keep doing things style-wise that you always did—no use changing up the game plan.
Well, if you are one who is not a good dresser, there is an easy solution for that. Go online—see your favorite designer if you have one. If not, go to your favorite department store’s online fashion retailer. Then, simply go over a few fashion websites you like and see what catches your eye. Whatever it is, copy the styles and colors as best you can, and you’ll know you have a decent outfit to go out in for your speed date. A can’t-miss proposition.
How Does a Speed Date Finish?
As you go through your various dates, you will hear a chime or bell signaling to switch tables, dates, etc. There will be a final buzzer—it’s all over, just like in a game show, I would imagine. At the end of the evening, you give the organizer the people you were interested in. If the same person has your name as well, then, and only then, will information be swapped, giving you a potential date.
Social Pressure of Speed Dating
Speed dating can involve intense social pressure that most people don’t realize when they go on the date. Being in a speed dating scenario, you cannot turn back to online dating practices. You cannot create a great first message or wait a long time to respond. In speed dating, a few minutes is all you have to strike a connection so it can be overwhelming especially for introverts or first-timers. The reality is, you are aware that they are making a judgment about you within seconds.
Speed dating can sometimes feel like a try-out instead of a casual way of meeting someone. The ticking clock causes pressure to be funny, engaging and charming at the same time. This pressure leads many people to act differently, talk differently, put on a show, and say things which may not be true. When you have limited time to take the stage, you feel pressure to be charming, engaging, and funny. So when speed chatting and forced conversations happen, people also mix up personalities or act smart.
Conclusion
It seems while the Rabbi had good intentions and some success, the speed dating ritual has all but died off now.
Even in speed dating, you can be denied someone’s contact information quite easily. It is not all success. Also, the numbers are quite low—you might meet 20 people max that night. As mentioned, by the time you do see someone you are interested in, your efforts may be in vain, since you have lost some patience and some of your effervescent self.
Speed dating may be fun for a very short period and something new to try—but in the end, modern technology has taken over. The ability to see a lot of people, with your own filters, along with your own exact personal preferences, has made speed dating obsolete. The rise and popularity of dating sites and social sites have made dating so much easier and better in the end.
Tools for Success in Speed Dating
If you still want to give speed dating a try here are some tools to increase your chances of success:
- Icebreaker Questions Generator
- Do you really need this? For some, having a quip or two that is honest and not cheesy may help to diffuse an awkward situation.
- Body Language Guide
- I would use this very rarely - however. Understanding your dates' cues can help you.
- Fashion Styling Apps
- Apps or Sites like Pinterest or some top fashion digital mags like Vogue can help you improve your style.
Keywords
- Speed dating
- Online dating
- First impressions
- Social pressure
- Icebreaker questions
- Dating strategies
Small Questionnaire
1. Have you ever tried speed dating before? If yes, how did it go?
2. How long does it take you to get to a real life date from online?
3. What is your biggest challenge when meeting someone new for the first time?
4. How important is physical attraction to you on your first meet?
5. What 3 qualities do you look for in a first date?
FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions)
- Q: How long does a typical speed date last?
A: Usually each date lasts between 3 to 7 minutes. Can vary depending on the presenter. - Q: Can people find love through speed dating?
A: Yes, though the success rate varies. . - Q: Is speed dating better than online dating?
A: It depends on the person. Some people love the quick in and out, while others don’t care for it. - Q: What should I wear to a speed dating event? A: Dress in casual but stylish clothes. A first appearance here is the most important.
Written By: Anthony Rand. B.A., B.A., LL.M.
About the Author
Anthony Rand is a relationship expert with over 35 years of experience in the dating world. He has helped individuals navigate the complexities of modern relationships. He has authored numerous articles on topics ranging from online dating strategies to building lasting relationships. He holds degrees, including an LL.M. (Master of Laws) and two Bachelor of Arts degrees.
Disclaimer
Please remember, there is much variation and diversity in life. Within this variation come various expectations and differences. What may work in the article above may not work for others. While this article does provide great insight and strong fundamentals it cannot answer all the issues. It is limited in its scope, since every relationship is different. Follow your heart and mind to see what works best for you.
Last Updated: February 20 / 2025
Version: 1.1