I have some regrets. Quite a few when it comes to the oh so important first date. Take a look at my stories and advice for those going on a first date. You cant miss it!
First Date Dos and Don'ts
By a person who has regrets.
Ah, first dates. It's a battleground of nerves, expectations and 'Do I have something in my teeth?' If dating was a sport, the first date would be the Olympics — either you go forward, or you go back home with the knowledge that you weren’t cut out for the finals.
I've had a few first dates that went well, a few that went terribly wrong and some that I chill out dreaming about. In other words, since I have done a lot of questionable things on the first date, I present to you the Five Pillars of First Date Dos and Don’ts by me, who has definitely done the don’ts.
Index
- Do: Do Have a Plan
- Do: Dress Like Yourself
- Do: Ask Questions and Really Listen
- Do: Keep Your Phone Mute
- Do: End It Gracefully
- Do: Read the Room
- Do: Keep an Open Mind
1. Do: Do Have a Plan (do-do-do).
Not You
Don’t just be that person who is five minutes in asking me so what should we do? Being confident and putting some thoughts into the date is also attractive. Try and find a place where you can actually hear each other, so fun but not too loud, casual but not a drive-thru. Unless they have a strong desire for fast food brands.
Have A Plan If you have a plan can help you out if things go south. Sometimes you need to have something to do on the date or have an activity in mind in case the chat is not going well. A short walk after the coffee or suddenly stopping for dessert can do the trick.
Don't be that person. How about a seven-course meal with a side of molecular gastronomy for the ultimate gastronomic experience? No. Keep it simple. Viewing angle ki wajah se nahi Koi Restaurant Choona. You’re here to connect, not curate a feed.
- If you don’t make it clear that you’re okay with something, they may go wrong in their assumptions.
- We’re here to connect, not to filter through a feed. If you let it pass, odds are they’ll take it as a cue to form sharper assumptions.
- Keep it simple—over-the-top gestures can be overwhelming.
- Don’t pick something just because it’s Instagrammable.
2. Do: Dress Like Yourself.
Comfortable
Dress up in something that makes you feel confident but still looks like you. If you are someone who usually wears jeans and sneakers, then don’t turn up in some tight dress and high heels just because you think that is “first date appropriate”. You’ll be fidgeting the whole night and nothing is more of a buzzkill than clearly showing discomfort.
No Gym Clothes People
Your outfit should also match the venue. When you wear a cocktail dress to a dive bar or gym clothes to a fancy restaurant, you give the impression that you didn’t check. Dressing appropriately shows consideration for someone’s time and a willingness to meet them halfway.
Don’t:
- Show up in pajamas. I know, obvious. I once had a date dressed in sweatpants that said “laundry day.” I can assure you, that was not a good look and my attraction level lowered significantly.
3. Do: Ask Questions and Really Listen.
Who are you?
A conversation between partners is a must during dating but not an interrogation. It is important to show interest in the person you’re dating. You could ask them about their hobbies, their go-to karaoke song, or even that one weird fear they had as a kid. Mine is E.T., don’t ask, it’s a long story! It makes people feel seen, and that’s pretty powerful.
All Ears
Active listening also means responding thoughtfully. Nodding your head and scrolling through your mental list of follow-up questions isn’t engaging. An interview shouldn’t be an interview, but a conversation between you.
Don’t:
Make it all about you. If you are saying “Enough about you, let’s get back to me”, you’re doing it wrong. Don't unload all your baggage on the first date.
TAKEAWAY
- Better connection and engagement is the key.
- Make the conversation as easy going as possible
4. Do: Keep Your Phone Silent.
Silence is Golden
Unless it’s a national emergency or you’re waiting for a new kidney, give it a rest! Looking at people when you talk to them is very underrated. There’s nothing that says “I’d rather be anywhere else than here” than checking your phone notifications in the middle of a conversation.
Off People
Turn off your alerts ahead of time to remove distractions. Always ask for permission if you want to check your mobile phone. Never just look at it under the table.
Don’t: Live-tweet the date. I know he just said something stupid and your group chat has to hear about it ASAP. But trust me, your friends can wait. Be present—you can roast him later if necessary.
5. Do: End It Gracefully.
Verdict
If the date went well, great! If it didn’t, also great—you learned something. Either way, be kind. To put it another way, you can at least send them a message that reads, “Thanks for a good time.” If you actually like them, a simple “Let’s do this again sometime” establishes the possibility of a second date.
Exit Stage Left
A good exit strategy prevents awkward lingering. If you feel your date is coming to an end, suggest it with a smile and a clear end-date! Nobody likes to feel like they’re stuck in a never-ending goodbye.
Don’t:
Ghost. I understand that you really don’t want to text someone you don’t want to see again. But ghosting is cowardly, and we are grown-ups. A short, honest message is the bare minimum of decency.
- A polite goodbye and make it sincere.
- If the date went well, you can say it to them.
6. Do: Read the Room.
Socially Aware
Social awareness is key. If they’re laughing and leaning in, great! If they’re looking at the exit and responding with “mhhm” or “yeah,” they’re probably not interested in your 20-minute TED Talk on sourdough bread.
Watch
Watch their body language to see if they are engaged or uninterested. If is genuinely interested, then continue to talk. If they look distracted or irritated then you should acknowledge it and change the topic or end it.
Don’t:
Ignore the signs. If the vibe feels off, don’t force it. Not every date is meant to lead somewhere, and that’s okay. Don’t struggle to change it either; if it isn’t working, discuss wrapping it up together.
7. Do: Keep an Open Mind.
Simple and Easy
It’s pretty simple to go into a first date with a checklist of must-haves and deal breakers, but sometimes people surprise you in the best possible ways. They may not be your ultimate type on paper, but chemistry varies. Allow yourself to enjoy, don’t examine every characteristic of mannerism.
Open Mind People
Keeping an open mind also means embracing the unexpected. Maybe the date goes sideways or they do something weird you weren’t prepared for. Don't just think about what made you think it will not be a good fit. Think more about how connected you feel to them and if you enjoy their company.
Don’t:
Dismiss someone too fast. If you’re busy weighing them against a hypothetical ideal on the date, then you might miss out on a good one. Let people show you they’re more than your first impression of them.
Final Thoughts:
First dates are unpredictable. There will be some real highlights, and there will be some real lowlights, plus some real think pieces. In the end, they do not really have any expectations; just seeing whether there’s a spark. Follow these pillars, and even if nothing else, you will surely walk away with your dignity—and perhaps some more.
And if all else fails? At least it will make for a good story for your friends.
Tools for the Reader:
- A Pre-Date Checklist: Plan your location, always dress comfortably, and keep your mind open.
- Conversation Starters: Have some easy questions ready.
- Exit Strategy: If the date isn’t going well, have a good exit answer.
FAQ
Q: What if I realize during the date I’m not interested?
A: That’s okay! Be polite, keep the conversation pleasant, and bounce girl!
Q: How long should a first date last?
A: There really is no strict rule. Keeping it between one to two hours is good.
Q: What if my date stares all night at his phone?
A: Bring attention to it. Pronto. You're not putting up with that!
1. Written By: Anthony Rand. B.A., B.A., LL.M.
2. About the Author Anthony Rand is a relationship expert with over 35 years of experience in the dating world. He has helped individuals navigate the complexities of modern relationships. He has authored numerous articles on topics ranging from online dating strategies to building lasting relationships. He holds degrees, including an LL.M. (Master of Laws) and two Bachelor of Arts degrees.
3. Disclaimer Please remember, there is much variation and diversity in life. Within this variation come various expectations and differences. What may work in the article above may not work for others. While this article does provide great insight and strong fundamentals it cannot answer all the issues. It is limited in its scope, since every relationship is different. Follow your heart and mind to see what works best for you