Polysexual dating in the modern world. Polysexuality is an emerging trend in the ever expanding sexual identity umbrella.
If you are a polysexual individual you understand that dating in the modern world can present unique challenges and issues. As well as the potential in finding the right partner. If you are polysexual, finding the right partner goes beyond the traditional gender identities. This brief essay will look at some of the challenges of polysexual dating. Some of the issues one can face along with some words of advice for finding that perfect partner.
Let us first look at exactly the specific characteristics of polysexuality. Bisexuality or pansexuality is not being polysexual. Bisexual individuals are attracted to 2 genders only. Pansexuality is attracted to all genders. The difference here is that Polysexual is attracted to different genders but not all genders. It is up to the individual polysexual to decide what identity and gender they are attracted to. In the end, polysexuality is not limited in either men, women, gender fluid individuals, or non binary individuals. The entire spectrum is open to a polysexual, even though they are not attracted to the entire spectrum of gender identity.
Let us also remember that polysexuality has nothing to do with one’s action. This vision means a polysexual could be in a monogamous relationship with one individual or one gender. Or, they can find themselves in a non monogamous relationship with multiple genders. The choice is theirs. Being polysexual has no particular definitive action or behaviours associated with it.
As most new identifying gender identities, polysexual individuals face various different challenges compared to the normative binary scene. Let’s look briefly at some of the issues that affect polysexuals in the modern dating world.
Understanding. This can be a very large issue. This issue can be faced both in the polysexual individual and the potential dating partners. Polysexuals often discuss that their identity is marginalized or ignored. For some even worse, since the idea of polysexuality carries with it baggage of misunderstanding. Most polysexuals speak of continual education and informing their potential partner of what it means to be polysexual to diffuse any misunderstanding and bring acceptance and understanding.
Erasure. Polysexual individuals speak of being erased not only in mainstream society but also in the LGBTQ+ community. They speak of being invisible as well as being erased. How do they feel about this? They speak of a personal invisibility within their own community. The reasons are several. It could be because of being misgendered, mislabelled or or simply not being recognized. Let us not forget that polysexual individuals are not the most common under the gender identity umbrella, and therefore they can feel marginalized or erased at times.
Phobia. The issue of polyphobia. Polysexual individuals face at times demonstrated discrimination from within their own community as well as the heterosexual community. Both groups label and criticize a polysexual individual. The primary belief that the polysexual has sexual issues such as the ability not to choose, being greedy sexually, or simply being confused as to who they are. Choose a side the critics argue.
Relationship structures. For the polysexual this can be at times difficult. Working within new and different relationship forms can be a frightening task. Most polysexual individuals tend to be in monogamous relationships based on recent studies. However, there is a growing number that have now begun to merge into the non monogamous relationship category. By being in a non monogamous relationship polysexual individuals can find dating that is already difficult, adding more layers of complexity and further issues.
In addition, insecurity can be a major issue. Insecurity not only with oneself for being a polysexual but also dealing with your partner’s insecurity. Partners may feel insecure for a number of reasons, such as the ability of the polysexual to be attracted to other genders, and open to the idea of a non monogamous relationship. All of these, adding further layers of insecurity to the potential partner.
Let us now look at some potential advice for the polysexual individual finding success in the dating world. Honesty. To be clear, concise and have open communication with your partner about your identity preferences and likes is crucial. Not only in finding a relationship, but maintaining a relationship. Make sure you are always up front as soon as possible with a potential partner about your polysexuality. The more upfront, clear and open you are from the beginning will allow a greater chance of success. It will also filter out those who may look at your polysexuality as an escape route or excuse for later on down the relationship.
Education. As the reader is well aware of, most people are not familiar with polysexuality. This lack of familiarity exists in the normative straight culture or within the LGBTQ+ community as well. If you are a polysexual individual one should always be prepared to explain your identity, whether in brief or further if asked. The most important element here to remember is: always be patient with your partner or potential partner in explaining your preferences and sexual identity. With patience, one is able to receive empathy, kindness and understanding to one’s polysexuality.
Being polysexual, one should always seek out first spaces that one feels comfortable in it. Look for space that is inclusive and all encompassing for all gender identities. The easiest to find such a space would be LGTBQ+ community events as well as specific apps. All such places foster community, help, and inclusiveness. As well, one could find it easier here to find potential partners either sexually or in a more committed relationship.
Confidence. This cannot be stressed strongly enough. Be confident in who you are and your sexual identity. Be confident in who and what attracts you regardless of gender. Be confident in opening up to new experiences and new forms of potential relationships. By being confident you only enhance your own attraction and your own belief and love of your gender identity of being polysexual.
It’s also important to remember in any potential dating relationship or structure to set out not only what your goals are, but your expectations personally and sexually. Make sure to be open and communicate your desires and wants to your partner as early as possible in the relationship. In addition, it’s worth remembering that if you do come across misgendering or any type of misunderstanding to immediately try to remedy that misinformation. By doing this, it shows the importance of you and your identity.
Finally, while one always wants to be part of an open and diverse community, it is not a bad idea to reach out as well to the polysexual community. Whether you find the polysexual individual offline or online in various apps. The ability to share experiences in similar experiences is a great way to find support and longing in a loving community.
Written By: Joyce DeWitt.