Queer dating in the modern world. Queer dating falls under the umbrella of LGBTQ+ dating. Under this large umbrella queer can mean a multiple of identities.
For example - being queer, bisexual, gay, lesbian, non binary, transgender and more. We can agree that dating in the heteronormative world always offers challenges and issues for finding love. However, being queer adds another layer and dimension to these challenges and issues. As well as offering unique and sometimes complex problems in finding love or simply sexual compatibility. This brief essay will look at being queer and dating, as well as offering some suggestions for building relationships that can be permanent in the queer dating world.
Understanding being queer and one’s queer identity in the modern dating world can entail many areas. As described above, the description of queer can mean almost anything under the LGBTQ+ umbrella. For instance, If you are queer you can be attracted to multiple and different genders. You can experience fluid sexuality as well as different gender identities. Also, coming out can play in various stages of your life. You will also interact with various identities. Some who feel they are marginalized not only in the hetero community, but as well as the LGBTQ+ community. Finally, by your particular identity you will find different and various levels of support within the community. In the end,. by being queer you can see it will include a diverse experience as well as diverse issues and challenges since there are so many intersectionality of sexes, identities and feelings. Queer is an individual expression under the LGTBQ+ umbrella.
Let’s look at queer dating and the many challenges and issues one can face, whether minor or major in finding a potential partner. One of the first issues that arises amongst queer individuals is what they refer to as a limited dating pool of potential partners. primarily location seems to be an issue. If one isn’t from a small town area, it’s difficult to find another queer person not only to date, but feel attracted to and build a relationship with.
Safety is another issue that is continually brought up by the queer individual. Not only can discrimination still be found today but violence can be an issue whether in a small or large population. Also the idea of being comfortable in a social and dating environment. While we have made tremendous strides in today’s society - there still exists in times, places and in countries where it is severely frowned upon to date being queer.
Coming out is another issue that can cause minor or major problems in one’s dating world being queer. When to come out is always an important issue as well as whom to come out to. The idea of your potential partner not knowing you are queer can always cause anxiety and stress.
The issue of stereotypes. Many queers still battle misinformation, stereotypes and misgendering along with a host of other issues. Whether these issues are about their identity, their social promiscuity or simply about their relationships. Misinformation still strongly exists in all areas of queer identity and relationships.
Representation or lack of it in all social spaces. While there have been tremendous strides in media and particular film and television, there’s still a lack of diverse relationships in the queer space. By not showing these queer diverse relationships in media makes it difficult for some in the queer space to identify themselves in a loving and wholesome relationship.
Homophobia and transphobia. While this exists in various degrees depending on the society and population let us not forget, there is internalized phobias of being homosexual or transsexual. This is due to society, parental and friendship pressures some queer individuals face and internalized negative ideas and beliefs about their queer identity
Let’s not forget another issue in queer dating in the modern world is one’s outness. The queer person may have different levels of comfort when coming out to family, friends, potential partners or society. Depending on where one stage is when coming out, this can cause various different issues when beginning to date.
An interesting new phenomenon in the queer community is something called model minority. This is when a queer individual feels pressure to somehow set a proper example. Such pressure for representation affects the lives in many different spheres of being queer and trying to set a perfect example to others who are not queer.
Despite the above issues and complexities, these are overall minor compared to the great and many successes of queer people dating and finding love. Whatever form of relationship, whether it be sexual or long lasting love, let us now look at some identifiers and some suggestions for successful queer dating in the modern world.
One of the most successful pieces of advice anyone can give for queer dating is to embrace one’s identity and sexual identity fully. By being comfortable in one’s skin, and what one is attracted to is an extremely important self belief.
Secondly, I would strongly suggest looking for places to accept you and your sexual identity completely. A place that fully embraces you in a diverse and accepting environment. Which spaces are friendly to Queerness? Make sure to look for any type of LGBTQ+ sponsored group event whether online or offline, any other type of platform where you can connect.
An important factor in having a successful and happy relationship is to make sure your communication is open, honest and clear. Always tell your partner and future partner what your likes, dislikes, needs and what you are seeking from this relationship. Add to this conversation, the various boundaries and red lines you have. It would also help, for a proper explanation as to your identity and to what and who you are attracted to.
Education is also a primary key cornerstone of any successful dating relationship. Make sure to tell and educate as early as possible. Those around you as well as your potential mate. Any information whether small or large helps to improve the acceptance of your relationship with your mate between each other and those around you.
Finally, which applies to all relationships in particular, queer relationships - make sure you are safe. That is your number one priority. Always take proper precautions with new relationships and always meet in public spaces to begin your relationship. Being Queer can be at times dangerous and you don’t know who you’re meeting and where you are meeting. So be safe, always. Happy queer dating in the modern world.
Written By: Joyce DeWitt.