A 22-year-old feminist's raw journey through the champagne world of sugar dating— female power, luxury privilege, and Prada bags collide.
Brief Index
- How I Stumbled Into the Luxury Dating Scene.
- How it Began
- The Feminist Paradox.
- Where I landed
- Final Thoughts
Today
Party High Anyone?
I never imagined that on a Tuesday night, I would be at the Chateau Marmont sipping Dom Pérignon and discussing whether Sally Rooney was a good writer with a silver-haired venture capitalist who kept looking at his Apple Watch. Yet there I was, in a borrowed Reformation dress and my only pair of Louboutin’s, courtesy of the TheRealReal sale, soft-launching my sugar experience, as they say on TikTok.
How I Stumbled Into the Luxury Dating Scene.
It was pretty.
Let's rewind. I’m Zoe, an aged 22 who has just graduated with a women’s studies degree, is overwhelmed with student debt, and shares a two bedroom apartment in Brooklyn with 3 roommates. My dating history mainly involved situations with guys who thought splitting a $15 pizza would be the peak of romance and then watching “Euphoria” on a cracked iPhone.
My friend Maya laughed at my dating life and convinced me to try a mutually beneficial relationship app. "Isn't that just fancy escorting?" I asked pretending to be Jameela Jamil. Maya rolled her eyes. "It’s 2025 babe. It’s about subverting power dynamics and being paid for emotional labour."
I was going to delete the app after three dates in a row of
men just talking about their crypto portfolio but that’s when I got a text from Erik. Erik was different - he wanted to know more about my thesis on digital feminism, he recommended Joan Didion essays instead of sending unwanted finance tips and never uttered the word “blockchain.”
The Rules of Engagement.
Nobody tells you what it’s like to enter luxury dating.
The power dynamic is constantly shifting. There is a moment in time when I am feeling like Shiv Roy from “Succession,” ordering the most expensive cocktail on the menu. Then another moment later I am wondering if I should laugh at the mildly problematic joke about Gen Z.
The emotional labor is real. These men aren't just paying you to hang out. They're paying for therapy, politics (not too socialist thought), and the ability to make them feel relevant in a world that increasingly sees them as a dinosaur.
The feminist guilt is persistent. I mentally said sorry to Gloria Steinem when accepting a Prada bag “just because it reminds him of me”. I was reading Roxane Gay’s Bad Feminist on my Kindle while being flown off to Miami for the weekend and I wasn’t not aware of the cognitive dissonance.
How it Began
Social Experiment Anyone?
What began as a social experiment quickly turned into an education on wealth inequality, gender politics, and my own contradictions.
Erik took me to dinners where the tip alone could pay for the monthly MetroCard. I went to gallery openings where the artists were people from my books. I pretended to agree while hedge fund managers talked about tax loopholes; their watches could pay for my education.
One of the strangest things I’ve ever done was in the bathroom of a Michelin star restaurant, texting my roommate to let her know I would be paying rent this month. Next to me, a lady in Chanel was adjusting her lash extensions. She noticed my wide eyes and asked, “First sugar date?” When I hesitantly nodded, she smiled. We’ve all been there, darling. It’s only men who have the money; we have the time. And time is the only thing they can’t pay to have more of.
The Feminist Paradox.
A paradox indeed.
My choices could be a subject of field day by my gender studies teacher. Was I subverting patriarchal norms by deliberately extracting capital from willing parties within a capitalist system that has systematically undervalued the labor of women? Am I reinforcing the same norms by commercialising my companionship?
The reality is somewhere in the messy middle. For instance, I used the date’s money to give a donation to Planned Parenthood. Later, I leveraged Erik’s connections to land an interview at leftist media company.
It’s empowering to walk into Bergdorf’s and know that I can buy anything, even though technically I’m not paying for it. Women have been using it for decades, only without the fourth-wave feminist language to help explain it.
What They Don't Tell You About Sugar Dating.
This world is more complicated than what it appears to be on Instagram
Many of these men are profoundly lonely. Underneath the pricey watches and tailored clothing are individuals who are deprived of companionship.
The line between real friendship and business is more muddy than you think. I actually liked being with Erik then thought it was just part of his act.
There's a shelf life to this experience. The novelty wears off faster than you think. As I reached the third month, I found myself unbearably drained from being on all the time; like the cool, smart young woman who is impressed but not too impressed, smart but not intimidating.
Where I Landed.
Was it Pretty? I left a pretty corpse they say
Half a year into my experience with Erik, I reached the infamous dating crossroad plenty of our predecessors have found themselves at; comfortable or real? Luxury or independence?
I was in the Hamptons one weekend and I was hanging out with Erik. It was then he said that he could help me with my career if I make it more permanent. The offer floated between us like a fine perfume—tempting but fake.
That night, I called Maya from the marble-walled bathroom of his beach house. “I think I’m done,” I said, as I watched the moonlight dance across the infinity pool through the window.
"Did something happen?" she asked.
"No," I replied. That’s the problem, nothing is happening. I’m just living their life.
When I departed the next day with a suitcase lighter than when I arrived: for I left behind the jewelry and designer clothes which began to feel like beautiful handcuffs. I took an Uber home to my tiny apartment in Brooklyn, and it cost $200, which was the last time I let Erik pick up the tab for me.
Final Thoughts
Back to the Real World?
These days, I'm juggling two jobs and seeing a graphic designer who always goes Dutch with me at our favorite ramen place. A short period of time on the luxury dating circuit gave me an insight that no textbook could teach me: that sometimes the most feminist option isn’t the most obvious one. Sometimes you have to choose yourself with all contradictions.
I only miss Chateau Marmont and Dom Pérignon when I’m paying my student loans, if you get what I mean. But I’ve never missed pretending to be someone I’m not – even when that someone had better shoes.
Key Takeaways.
1. You can't buy a real connection: No matter the luxury experiences, you cannot replicate the respect and connection of a true connection.
2. Recognize your true value and don’t let money define your worth. Just being chosen by someone rich does not bring you value. In fact, your worth exists independent of the person willing to pay for your time.
3. What seems empowering is probably not: What may feel like power at the moment might just recreate gender norms in many ways.
4. Being aware of your choices makes it your strength. Do you choose this arrangement because you like these men or you need the money?
5. You can enjoy the experience without losing yourself: Moving between different worlds can be an enriching experience without the total obliteration of self.
KEYWORDS: Sugar dating, feminist perspective, luxury lifestyle, independence, Gen Z dating
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Zoey Flatts, is a Brooklyn-based writer and digital content creator. She has a degree in Women's Studies from NYU. When not writing, she co-hosts a podcast she is working on with her best friends. She volunteers at a women's shelter in Manhattan. Follow her soon on Instagram.