101 Sugar reasons indeed to try sugar dating in the modern world. I've done it. I've lived it. I survivied it. Let's see.
It's 2 am, and I am hunched over my laptop sipping on my third cup of coffee staring at my student loan balance which seems to be growing like rabbits. My roommate strolls in after getting back from a date with her "benefactor" waving concert tickets for a show we all want to see. She shrugs and smiles, saying, “He bought them just because I told him I liked the band.”
Welcome to the not-so-secret world of sugar dating, where everything happens that should actually not happen. But isn’t this what your broke friend wants to do in life and your grandma may just clutch onto her pearl necklace? And honestly? I get it. Both reactions.
As a feminist in my twenties, it's interesting how sugar dating going from taboo to the mainstream has evolved since all hell broke loose in 2025. Is it empowering or exploitative? Revolutionary or regressive? The answer, like most things worth discussing, is complicated AF.
What Even IS Sugar Dating? (Hint: It's Not Just About the Money, Honey)
Let's clear something up: sugar dating isn't just sliding into some rich guy's DMs with your Venmo handle. At its core, sugar dating is about being upfront about expectations in a relationship. While traditional dating might have you playing the "who-pays-for-dinner" guessing game for months, sugar relationships put everything on the table from day one.
My friend Zoe, who's been in a sugar relationship for two years, puts it perfectly: "Everyone acts like I'm doing something scandalous, but I'm actually being more honest than most people. We both know exactly what we want from each other. How many people can say that about their Tinder matches?"
The truth is, conventional dating has always had economic undertones—we just don't like to admit it. That dream guy who takes you to fancy restaurants? The partner who helps with rent when you're struggling? These financial dynamics exist in "normal" relationships too, just wrapped in prettier packaging
Sorry Not Sorry: What Makes some Women Sugar.
My anonymous survey results
When I shared an anonymous survey in my women’s studies group chat asking if any of them have done sugar, the responses rolled in quicker than a Kardashian breakup post. The responses varied, but the common word was agency.
"I am funding my graduate school with no debt" wrote one respondent.
“I visit places I would have never gone to otherwise and I get treated with a lot more respect than in my ‘normal’ dating life,” said another.
For women growing up to see their mothers and grandmothers struggling financially due to divorce or stuck in unhappy marriages for economic safety, it is somehow surprisingly liberating to explicitly negotiate the terms of romantic and financial exchange.
During my unpaid magazine internship days (funny enough, I was writing stories on being financially empowered while being exploited and not paid a single penny), I had a short sugar arrangement. What I didn’t expect was not the money, but the feeling of dating a person who wasn’t playing games. He respected it when I told him that I need space to work on an article. When I expressed interest in a book, it magically showed up at my door. After years of decoding text messages covered with slang and “u up?” messages, the clarity was very intoxicating.
When Sugar Turns Sour and Becomes Problematic.
The Power Imbalance
The power imbalances in these liaisons are real and often dangerous; let’s not sugarcoat it (pun intended). In every sugar dating experience, there’s always a woman who feels empowered and another who feels pressured to cross boundaries.
My college roommate got into a sugar relationship quickly and became controlling. It began with assistance for her school fees but later he expected her to dress a certain way or not go out anymore and also be on call when he wanted. “It ended up not being about the money,” she later told me. He considered me his property was the essence of the matter.
The experience level can vary greatly due to the age difference that often exists. When I was 22 I thought a 45-year-old daddy was boujee and worldly. At 27, I could see it was just a case of him taking advantage of my youth and inexperience to push boundaries that someone his age would never take on.
The Marginalized communities are hardest hit
Marginalized people are more likely to be exploited than others. In the world of sugar dating, women of color, trans women and economically vulnerable women often get fetishized or preyed upon. One Black woman from my survey said: "Some men think paying means they get a free pass to engage in their racist fantasies, like their money makes their fetishization okay."
How Apps Changed the Game Of Sugar.
The olden days - are they still old?
Remember when meeting people online was considered sketchy? If you're under 25, probably not, but it was. These days, sugar dating has become mainstream thanks to platforms made especially for it, and it even shows up as targeted ads on your Instagram.
These platforms claim to be progressive spaces where modern women can cash in on their assets (and I don’t mean just their physical ones). "Find a mentor!" they promise. "Date up!" they encourage. Their marketing is slick, empowerment-based, and carefully refrains from using problem-causing words.
For this story, I made profiles on three sugar platforms. In just a day, my inbox filled up with everything from touching mutual interest messages to throw-your-phone-in-the-sea kind of whore propositions. The spectrum of experiences is that wide.
"You don't do enough to protect young women," says Mia, a former sugar baby now working at a women's resource centre. "They make money by keeping this myth alive that all arrangements empower women and are safe, when they aren’t."
Consent, Communication, and Keeping It Real.
- Based on my experiences and those of various women in sugar relationships, it is simply not important but imperative to communicate.
- The sugar relationships that I've seen are the healthiest.
- Establish limits first then respect them.
- Regular check-ins about comfort levels and expectations.
- Having the power to freely say no without getting hurt.
Lets talk some issues that affected me rightly or wrongly
Help with money in a way that does not cause neediness.
My friend Taylor has a document that she sends to prospective sugars before she meets them. In this document, everything is detailed – how often we are going to communicate with each other, how much I give money-wise, will I get physical, what will happen if we develop feelings and so on. It sounds like everything is being medically done, however, it actually creates space for realness because most of the awkwardness is already out of the way.
Defying Relationship Norms Beyond the Binary
My feminist analysis gets tricky here: I have significant concerns about sugar dating’s potential to exploit women, but its existence challenges our binary understanding of relationships.
Why do we consider it right that love must be separate from economic factors when capitalism ensures our lives are affected by money? Why is it good to date for personality but bad to date for money? Why do we think poorly of relationships where money is directly asked for, but not with actors?
When I told my mom, who’s from the generation that fought for women to be financially independent, about the article I was writing, she was horrified. She said that we did not fight for equality so that young women could become dependent and rely on men again.
However, many sugar babies I spoke to see it differently. "I'm using this arrangement to grow my business," one said. In two years, I won’t ever need to rely on anyone else again. What’s not feminist about that?
My Final Thoughts of My Days in Sugar Land!
Sweet Conclusions: No Easy Answers.
If you want a neat conclusion to this essay- sugar dating is feminist or sugar dating is exploitation, then I’m afraid I can’t offer you one. The truth lies in an uneasy gray area between personal choice and systemic inequality.
What I can say with certainty is this: Many people who are judgmental to women in sugar relationships are usually classist, sexist and hypocritical. The same society that underpays women, burdens us with student loans, and prices us out of housing enjoys criticizing the means at which we hustle.
Sugar dating is a socio-economic response enabled by technology and made possible by society that witnesses and participates in this network of intimate connections. We need to have nuanced conversations about consent, power, and the various ways money impacts our romantic lives, instead of pearl clutching or uncritical embracing as “empowerment.”
As for me? I personally quit sugar dating – I found I actually prefer the messiness of non-agreements. I will always defend a woman’s right to make that choice for herself and not be coerced or judged.
What feminism is really about is not choosing a “right way” for women to do relationships but supporting our right to choose our own paths and working that those choices are made in an environment of real equality and safety.
If you will excuse me, my roommate needs help choosing an outfit for her sugar date. The one funding her feminist documentary film, just so you know.
Zoe Winter, is a freelance writer and former dating app addict, lives in Illinois. When she’s not writing or spending time with her platonic soulmates, she’s busy trying to train her chaotic rescue dogs and cats.