A Dating Guide To Being A Bipoly And How To Succeed.
The new term Bipoly, what is it? Can you guess? I am sure many can piece together some semblance of what it means.
Let's break it down shall we. We do not know who coined the phrase, but considering it is under the sexual umbrella one could imagine it is one of many possible offshoots of various popular terms. Bipoly is one of them. It may be relatively new in the lexicon, but it is slowly emerging in popularity in a specified sexual aware crowd. The first part Bi comes from Bisexual. The second part of the equation is poly - or Polyamorous. So, what you get here is an individual who is Bisexual and attracted to all genders - and someone who has an open relationship with as many people as they like, and all knowing that he or she is in fact in this type of relationship. Meaning consent and knowledge for all people involved.
How to get it out there
One of the first steps in confirming your identity to the dating world is that you are in fact Bipoly. To do this, the first step is to be clear with yourself, that it is who and what you want. Without confirming this, there is no use telling others if you are confused or unsure of your identity. Work it, think it through, it will be much easier in the end if you start off with a solid foundation. To do that, stick to the basics - that would be to understand and accept your new identity. Understand and analyze your own needs and desires carefully. Finally, define your boundaries - even if you don’t have any boundaries - that in itself is a marker. So, once you have answered those three points in your mind, you can then begin to tell the dating world who you are, and what you want out of this relationship.
Meeting Someone
When meeting a date for the very first time. You don’t want to blurt out your sexual expectations and a relationship at the get go. Somewhere in the evening - if it's going well - you want to probe the subject matter with the other party to see their feelings on the matter. On the other hand, if you really don’t care what the other person believes, and have some confidence about it, then you could simply be very straightforward and set out who you are, and what you are looking for in a relationship.
Since dating online has been the primary source of dating, you can either immediately state it in your profile, or give some hints as to your identity and relationship goals and values.
The best course of action, when finally coming out with your needs and identity, is to clearly identify to the other party what that means. Not everyone is up to date with the newest sexual terms or types of relationships that are available. Be patient, be kind, and explain whatever questions the other party has from the beginning. Best to clear up any potential misunderstanding at the beginning and move forward from there.
Educate
Some people may be on the fence when you first tell them, and a bit lackadaisical or lackluster to your explanation. If you are interested in that person, then make the effort to educate and clarify your position to the other party. Give examples of your dating life in this situation, and if you have no example, then feel free to show some examples of what it can be, and what are the positives of such a relationship. Peak their curiosity if you can, and at worst, explain so at least all parties are clear of the definition and the expectations of such a relationship.
Communication
The most important item when coming out to someone to explain who you are and what you expect from a relationship is being open and direct. By being open and direct, you can start the beginning of a foundation of trust and respect. As well, as the other party willing at any time to ask you further or your needs and desires in a Bipoly relationship.
Reflection
Don’t forget that you might not be 100 percent sure of your identity at the time. There may be some vagueness or trepidation on your part. That is normal to understand. Keep asking yourself the questions you need to ask every once in a while to see if you can further define your goals, feelings, and aspirations in a relationship. For some people it takes time, to explore, and to see what works and doesn't work for them in a relationship. There is no rush, take your time, pace yourself, and as mentioned, examine yourself every once in a while so you can be true to the real you.
Your Best Bet
If you have decided that you are Bipoly, what is your next and best step? I would suggest making your transition to the dating world easier and more successful. Begin looking at pockets of people who are similar to you. If not similar, at least accepting of your identity - whether it be bisexual, polyamy, or both.
You can look for like minded people either online in various chats, communities, or dating sites, as well as offline, at various communities that are welcoming and non judgemental. Just do a bit of research and digging on the internet, and you will certainly find quite a few places to start your new dating identity.
Building Blocks For Success in a BiPoly Relationship
The first and most important building block will be one of honesty. Be honest to yourself - see if you are truly BiPoly, or fluid, or non committal. By being honest with yourself, it will help you to be honest with those around you. Always make sure to tell those around you, whether you are dating or not, and of course on your own terms of comfort - what you expect and who you are. The more open you are about your position, the better chance you have of succeeding in a relationship.
Some argue that negotiations are paramount in a successful BiPoly relationship. I don’t know if I would use the word “negotiations' rather discussions with boundaries and expectations. Once you have boundaries in place for both parties it makes the relationship work much smoother in the immediate future.
Drawbacks
Remember there will always be people who are jealous of you when you come out as BiPoly. There also may be jealousy from your mate or loved ones. People don’t understand or don’t want to understand certain positions. As such, they don’t care to change, or even at least adapt your position. Do not waste your energies on these unchangeable events. This will have to be one of the stigmas you accept in your lifestyle and position, because in the end, it's all about your happiness and satisfaction moving forward in your dating BiPoly life.
Written By:
Julie Davis