Polyamory. For some they have heard this work prior, for others they have no idea what it could mean. In its simplest form it is made up from the Greek word poly which means many, and the Latin word for love “amour”.

The ability to love several people at the same time. Although usually, its not about love rather lust. The ability to have sexual relations with as many people as you like, and with consent of your main partner. There is still a commitment here the proponents of Polyamory would argue, since you still need consent. Let us see if that is true, and if Polyamory truly is a viable relationship versus the norm of a monogamous relationship.

Those that preach for Polyamory will tell you, just like a regular relationship, all the fundamental cores of love, understanding and fulfilment can be had in a Polyamory relationship. Interestingly enough, there are terms if you are involved with more than two people at a time - they take the form of triads and quads depending on the total numbers - and they can call this polycules. Lets us now look at some the key fundamental principles of Polyamory which seems in many respects to be identical in nature and scope to a monogamy relationship.

Commitment to consider your partners feelings.

Well that sounds principles on its face, but it seems quite vague in nature. We all want to consider our partners feelings. However, is that possible to do so when you are carrying on multiple relationships with other people? I think the more people involved, the less likely the commitments to ones feelings becomes less likely. and more and more to fracture. 

Respect for ones individual needs.

Well, this needs no explaining. This simply a get out jail free card by stating a principle is that ones own feelings comes before the commitment to the two of you or three or more. It means the selfishness becomes the primary factor. This is not new - the theory of selfishness can be traced back to many famous philosophers - Ayn Rand come to mind, who wrote an entire book on the subject matter “The Being of Selfishness” if I am correct.

There is nothing wrong to adhering to this principle, however, most would argue this is not a sufficient or good building block to have when discussing ones commitment or relationship to other. Having a green light to do what you want sexually, can in no way be sustainable. Others will argue that this green light is not free, that one must tell their partner, and get consent. Here it becomes a bit tricky, since some say consent is not necessary rather consideration and telling the partner is efficient enough. We are treading indeed on a slippery slope all done to accepts ones sexual selfishness.

Honesty.

Well, this hallmark foundational criteria is mandatory in all relationships. Espousing as it being a cornerstone shines a light on Polyamory by implying it needs to be even more necessary and important here. Why? Well, if you going to have sex with multiple people on a weekly or monthly basis your partner must know for a variety of reasons. So, I would agree, honesty is certainly the key cornerstone of any chance of success in Polyamory.

Consent that is enthusiastic.

This title made me laugh. Hard enough getting consent from a partner that your about to have sex with someone else, much less the pre requisite it must be enthusiastic. I would argue this is more of a philosophical Christmas wish that something rooted in daily reality of a relationship, Polyamory or not.

Communication.

Again, another cornerstone that is fundamental to any form of a relationship. All therapists and others will argue that within communication umbrella one must express in a variety of type - this would include the boundaries of ones relationship, the exceptions of ones relationship, and feelings towards each other.  Let us concentrate on feelings of communication. Now expressing your feelings however significant or insignificant, is obviously necessary and warranted in any relationship. However, if one examines it more closely, the idea of communication becomes even more paramount since now you are dealing with multiple individuals in a triad of sorts, along with potential multiple genders. A stew of confusion as some would say. So, the greater of number of people involved in a Polyamory relationship, the longer the string becomes, and the more likely the lines of communication will fray and break at one point. Don’t believe me? Well, remember that game children play, where they say one word, then pass it along, and the word or sentence becomes something entirely on its own. This is the same function within a Polyamory relationship. The more people involved, the more likely communication breakdown - this is guaranteed.

For those who are part of the polyamorous relationship they espouse the numerous benefits, not simply sexual. Let’s take a closer look at these benefits to see if it bears a positive benefit to the couples.

Fulfilment.

Proponents of Polyamory say that by having numerous people involved in the relationship, that all of their needs can be fulfilled. That there is nothing lacking, and with good reason - they can spread their needs to be fulfilled by a variety of people. No longer is one person burdened to full fill all of their needs in their relationship. One cannot argue, that by bringing in more people, the diversity, the experience, does indeed have the potential to fill needs differently, better, or more needs to be fulfilled. The potential and argument certainly exists there. However, the idea that this partnership will last forever is not logical. The idea that numerous people are equal and able to fulfil your relationship similar to the person beside and multiply by X, is not sustainable and not healthy.

Growth.

They talk that a polyamorous relationship can bring growth in a variety of ways that is simply not sexual. Growth individual but ones needs, interests, intellectually, spiritually, and the list goes on. Again, the idea of meeting new and having relationships with people will indeed open up ones universe. However, it is short lived, like a new toy on Christmas. The long term success is nil and none is such a relationship, since equality, and inclusion do no exist, and cannot exist in such a relationship.

Conclusion

Proponents of a polyamory that is a viable form of a relationship. That it is not cheating in any form, since all people involved must give consent. The question though is, how firm is this consent. Is it for every day, is it on occasion, what happens when there is no consent? That of course raises a whole number of issues. In the end, those who are for Polyamory will continue to try to make it work. For those interested in a relationship that will work, for the long run - then this area of a relationship is one fraught with issues and pitfalls leading to nowhere other than a brief good time.

Written By:

Joyce Dewitt