Serial Monogamy: Are you the one? What is it, and where does it fit in the scale of human relationships in the modern world?

In the most common world of relationships and dating, the goal is a monogamous relationship. One person for the rest of your life. A simple enough notion, but at times challenging in this modern world. Serial Monogamy some would say is a simple off shoot of this ideology. Namely, you believe in the concept but you do not believe in the time frame. You want to experience love and a relationship not permanently, but semi permanently. Meaning, you have one monogamous relationship, end it, and then move on to the next, and so on, until you have had a string of one person relationships. There is little or no time from one relationship to the other. What are the key elements of a serial monogamist? Well, it is not much different than a monogamous relationship since most of the goals are the same or similar. The elements of this would be the following.

1. The relationship itself is short. How short, is up the individual and his goals.

2. The goal is to have as many partners in possible, in a linear line.

3. The goal is to have no period, or little time between each relationship.

These three would be the defining factors of a serial monogamy relationship, and what differentiates it from a common monogamous relationship. Proponents argue that if you look back in history, there form of relationship is more common than originally believed. That somehow this form fell out of favor in the modern world, but was much more common in the course of certain histories. That the idea of bonding with someone for life, is less common than bonding with several different people for life. They point to the divorce rate, which at over 50 percent, a majority of these people come back and marry a second and their time, thus, proving their point. That serial monogamy is already here to stay, its popular and common in this form, and that there is no stigma.

Reasons for becoming a Serial Monogamist.

My Life is Longer

Proponents would argue, since we are living much longer, why not increase ones enjoyment with multiple partners in life. That to have only partner in life deprives you of living life to its maximum fulfilment.

Society

The idea of now having several partners, over a lifetime, all relatively short, is no longer a stigma. In today’s modern day, the idea of such a relationship affects no one, and will have no effects on one social standing or work habits. This I would conclude is all true. Firstly, how would anyone know your private matters unless you made them public. Secondly, who would care in this day and age of your preferred social structure - other than perhaps family members. The risk, or lack of risk today would be minimal proponents would rightly and correctly argue.

No Economic Help

People who subscribe to the serial monogamy theory, believe it helps the female gender. While women were stuck before in loveless or abusive relationships, economic mobility allows them now to move on easier, and to engage in serial monogamy. The problem here with that theory is, while true, she need not espouse or believe in the monogamy serialist theory. In addition, proponents fail to mention that women leaving a potential unsafe situation also bring along with them children. Not a simple abstract theory any more, rather affecting numerous individuals by the choice of one. Proponents arguing an economic benefit are really stretching here to tie it up with the serial monogamy theory.

Growth

Believers in the theory of serial monogamy will point to arguable its strongest positive - personal growth. By exploring and living life over the course of numerous individuals, one experiences new relationships, new situations, and therefore grows as an individual. There is little to argue to this point since being in new situations - whether good or bad - does usually allow an individual grow or change over time. The question begs to ask though, even living with one individual, does that stop them as well from growing? Does simply being in a new permanent or semi permanent relationship automatically assume you will grow to being with? If one marries or stays with the same type of person over and over, and takes nothing from it, realistically they do not grow. The assumption is, that with every new relationship one must further grow both emotionally and intellectually over time. However, that may not be the case, and will be strictly dependant on a case by case individual.

Fear

Those who advocate for being a serial monogamist speak of a fear - a fear of commitment is one of the stronger arguments given. If you have a fear, in particular a “long commitment” than serial monogamy may be for you. Reason being, you get to set the limit of the relationship, and, if too long for you - you can move on to another one at your own discretion. The argument against this it that this argument seems too sterile and too easy. The idea that you can simply break off a relationship, especially if married, simply on a fear or a whim that easily cannot be that absolute. That there will be emotional scars, trauma, or worse.

The Ideal One

This argument is my particular favourite. The proponents of serial monogamy will argue its merits here, that when one finds themselves no longer in love with their partner, it is then time to move and and find the better partner. This particular idea of falling in and out of love is not specific only for a serial monogamist. This can occur in any form of a relationship, and the answers to it, are the same as everywhere else. Those in favour will however state, that relationships in serial monogamy tend to be much shorter, and therefore offer an easier out compared to the more traditional monogamous relationship. That may be true, however, it does not make it any easier to leave and start afresh than any other form of relationship.

Conclusion.

Serial Monogamy sounds good on paper for some. Too good to be true some would argue. The ability to set a time limit or clock on ones relationship, and leave once the time is up. The benefits being, more partners, different partners, and supposedly a more rich and diverse live in the end. This all may be true depending on the individual. However, what serial monogamy does not like to discuss that the theory is much harder to practice and adhere to in real life. Emotions, financial burdens, loose ends, children, the list goes on of possible life long entanglements as you decide to de couple and move forward. The idea that you can have the old adage “have your cake and eat it when you want” does not work in a very complicated modern world. Easier said than done would the word to the wise in this relationship forum. 

Written By:

John Atkins