Catfishing. Has there ever been a more known word in the dating lexicon of modern dating on apps? The grandfather of the now infamous catfish TV shows, articles, and unlimited examples of it taking place. Even today, catfishing is popular as ever with Ai, and it seems it can never be stopped.
This brief essay will look at catfishing - its definition, how it originated, where it took place, and how it still continues to be popular today. Along with the effects of it on individuals, as well as the culture phenomenon.
As people become even more connected to the digital age, online dating has become the main source of meeting someone - whether sexual, romantic, or other in finding relationships. In the dating area, everyone has come across someone who has been fake. This fake person is referred to as “catfish” or “catfishing”. This is when someone creates a profile that is false - not only with fake pictures, but also with false information. This brief essay will look at what catfishing does to dating platforms, and what it does to the individual who’s unaware that their potential partner is simply a catfish.
If one has seen the show Catfish, or is a fan even, one can see that the process of catfishing can last years, even a decade for some. The most common element about a catfish person is their ability to continue the lie even when confronted - “doubling down” as they say. It seems as the more red flags pop up, the more ridiculous the catfish story becomes. On the flip side, regardless of the red flags, the potential person being catfish continues to believe in the validity and legitimacy of the other person.
Let us now look at some of the ways a person can be catfished. Some critics of catfishing have argued (and taken) a deep philosophical meaning that the tactics used by catfish individuals can be quite manipulative and psychological in nature. The key here is not simply exploitation, but building a sense of trust towards the intended victim. This trust can be built in a manner of ways. For example, for women and men, the number one catfish bait is the use of fake or artificial photos to deceive the person. Attractiveness of the photos is the lure for the catfish and its prey. At times, these photos are over sexualized, flirtatious, or revealing in manner. These photos appeal to the victims’ belief of finally finding someone they always wanted. A prince or princess in shining white armour.
I can honestly say I too have been catfished. In fact, too many times, and too many times I would like to publicly mention. While on a trip in Switzerland, I was supposed to meet a model who was wealthy and wanted me to meet her in Zurich. Red flag alert men - model and wealthy. Has someone won the lotto? When arriving in Zurich the person made numerous excuses, until finally she said, I could meet her sister - who was 50 years old. Red flags alert people. The old “meet my sister” instead of me. Hint hint for those who haven’t seen the Catfish TV show - the stand in is usually the original catfish. Of course, in the end, I was confronted by a 50 year old woman (I was 24) who was married twice, and had three children, and nary any riches around (although living in Zurich is not cheap). As with most catfish people, you will get excuses, doubling down, and finally admitting their lies but with a caveat - I had a reason to do it, I wanted to be careful, I really do care for you - all lies people. So, I can consider myself one of the original catfish victims at the advent of the internet minus having my own show.
Back to the essay - the use of AI has exponentially increased catfishing, to the point where you cannot tell whether a photo is fake or real any more. Perhaps the adage “if it’s too good to be true” should be applied to every good looking individual on the dating app? (I mean, how many good looking people are there looking for a regular normal person with no money?) Trust and building it with their victim. In every potential meeting, trust has already been created with the intended victim. After the photos are installed, a second layer of trust is built with various additional social media profiles. The most common being on Facebook and Instagram to add legitimacy to who they are.
The second step, critics argue, is that catfishers use a type of manipulation that is emotional. They will sympathize and empathize with the victim’s situation once contact is initiated. This technique can also be reversed with the victim. The catfisher makes up various emotional stories to garner sympathy from their victim to gain an emotional bond. By placing themselves in a dire situation this draws empathy or sympathy. Some catfishers will even use this technique for financial gain.
Another interesting tactic used by the catfishers is something that is referred to as “love bombing”. All individuals need love, especially those on a dating app who seek, create love. For some, they potentially never had love in their lives prior to the dating app. This big void, a lack of love is exploited by the catfisher. They love bomb you in a variety of ways. They can bomb their individual with constant messages of either love, affection, and various compliments. Think of it as constant love propaganda and validation. Catfishers also love to dangle a carrot in front of their victim with the tired old line “they will soon have a beautiful and loving relationship in the near future.” By using this tried and true love carrot, the victim is given hope - that happiness and love are around the corner soon to happen to them.
Why do catfishes achieve success so quickly? It is because, unlike real relationships, which take time and effort to achieve a normal basic level of trust before moving on to the next step - Catfishers usually immediately tell the other person how much they love them. By using this key, over numerous times allows them to gain their victims’ trust. As time ticks by, and there is no connection in the real world - red flags of concern begin to surface. Once the catfish is aware of the victim complaining of this the catfish begins to soothe these problems. The number one solution of the catfish is the common term called “gaslighting”. This is where
the catfish tells the victim they have their facts wrong, are making misleading statements, or they never said that to begin with. The other party not wanting to give up on the relationship or potential relationship, feels confused and will give the catfisher a second chance, or err on the side of caution believing their criticisms may have some validity. Confusion is the most successful tactic and deployed regularly by the catfisher.
In the end, if you use a dating app you are more likely than not going to be catfished. It is inevitable due to the rise of AI and the use of fake photos. Whether created from scratch or stolen, the use of fake photos is here to stay in dating Apps. All you can do is, beware of red flags, and stop the catfishing immediately. Do not waste your time, and yes girls and boys, if it’s too good to be true, then be extra vigilant.
Written By: Anthony Rand