Compersion. What is it? What would the common person think it is? What are the first thoughts that come to mind? Personally, I had no clue what compersion meant. Originally, I thought it was a way perhaps, to influence an individual in their opinion. Maybe perhaps a political bent.
Proponents argue that compression is a great feeling, and after seeing the definition I am sure most will agree. In its simplest form, compersion simply means that you find absolute happiness and joy when your partner finds happiness or joy in a particular moment. Furthermore, the standard of compersion, is that this happiness or joy can also occur outside of the relationship. This may trigger a red flag so some - although it should not. For example, for some, when they hear that this joy is outside of the relationship, what is the first thought that comes to their mind? For myself, it is the evil green monster known as jealousy. Some offer a different slant and call it possessiveness. Critics argue that compersion always has a hint of the two - jealousy and possessiveness. While some others argue that being possessive or jealous is natural on it’s own and the two need not meet ever. This brief essay will took look at the term compersion and how it influences the modern relationship in today’s dating society.
The word Compersion was invented actually in a community called the Carista movement. This was a loosely knit group from San Francisco (note - does that surprise anyone?) that believed in polyamory. While some give credit for this group for coining the word, others say the group simply adapted a piece of Buddhist philosophy as their own. That is the idea of being happy for your partner because they experience happiness on their own. This is a Buddhist tenement. Some have referred to this at its core called joy or happiness for the self.
Many sociologists and psychologists refer to as Compersion as the exact opposite of the well known green monster jealousy. They do admit, however, that a strain of jealousy can exist side by side with Compersion. The idea here proponents argue is not to suppress the jealousy but to embrace it. Realize that with your joy, there will always be a slight pang of jealousy. That this feeling is a good thing, they argue. They will tell you that once you have Compersion and it occurs again, that you should grow these feelings to be as happy as possible for your mate, regardless if you experience pangs of jealousy or being envious. This package goes together and always shall the experts agree
Many sociologists and psychologists explain the underlying theme of Compersion and how it works and functions in dating relationships. This is regardless of the stage they are in. One interesting theory put forward by sociologists is called the self expansion theory. This hypothesis believes the closer you are with someone you form a bond. The more you begin to believe you and that other person are one, you then experience positive emotions. You also create these same or similar emotions into your partner. They say this creates a form of a vortex or expansion. The underlying principle here is that this emotion you have therefore spills into the other person. They call this a “greater overlap”. In the end, you have now created what is referred to as compersion.
Other sociologists have posed that a belief or theory called the broad in and build. This theory is more on the fringe as opposed to the other theory mentioned above. The belief here is the more positive one person is the more aware we become of our feelings. This in turn increases our risks in different beliefs as well as actions. Sociologist somehow mix in the idea of Compersion here, and how it comes to fruition in this theory. The belief here is that by having Compersion it increases the resilience and strength of your particular relationship. This theory, of course, is more of a stretch and takes a great many liberties in trying to tie it up at its loose end. One could argue that the theory makes a mountain out of a molehill.
Final
The final theory will discuss in brief, is what sociologists refer to as the “crossover effect.” This theory is more based in the reality and common sense approach. The idea here is anything that affects your well being can affect your partner’s well being. For example, if your partner is sad, this can influence you being perhaps not as sad, but at least being concerned. This of course has some truth. The question is simply to what degree? Again, this is subjective and depending on the couple themselves. Can someone else’s emotions affect you short term, medium term or long term? That is the question to be answered and can only be answered by the individual and the partnership.
Numerous studies have been done to identify various various factors that are to be seen and included in Compersion. How it relates and affects relationships in the modern dating world. They have grouped these factors into several groups. The first group is what they refer to as an individual factor of thy self. This offers various identifying characteristics such as the following - primarily one has a strong self sense of identity and worth which brings a strong self esteem to the individual They also have a strong belief in individuality. When it comes to emotional and emotional strength, they are not easy to break. Finally, they are the type of individual to be in a relationship that they refer to as non clingy or non possessive but rather where each individual having their space to function and enjoy.
WeFinally, we see the 3rd and final factor that we recognize as interpersonal or more naturally a common sense approach which defines exactly what Compersion is - namely, having joy for your other person’s joy. Being positive about this and being grateful that your partner can experience joy outside of your relationship. To conclude, Compersion should be kept in a separate compartment, nice and simple. It is what it is, namely feeling happy for your partner, regardless of the reasons why. Being mature and adult about this joy and seeing it for what it is, a snapshot in time and learning to accept your partner’s happiness as your own.
Written By: Barbara Froom