Everyone is seeking that perfect someone. Wether its for marriage. a long term realtionship, or a common law relationship - we all want the perfect long term mate. Come take a look at our definite guide and checklist!
A Quick Menu
- What is a husband or wife material
- Qualities that make the core
- Factors that are critical in compatibility
- Avoid these Red Flags
B What is a husband or wife material: Going Beyond Attraction Only
What Makes Someone “Husband or Wife Material”?
Sometimes you’ll hear the term husband or wife material. The definition or understanding of this term is quite simplistic. It is naturally something we all understand. There is no vagueness in here or is there? Foremost, this term husband or wife material simply means key elements or qualities a mate seeks in another mate.
These qualities are obviously for a long term relationship and to get settled down. The vagueness here can be found in each individual’s wants based on their own life experiences. They may seek something different than you and I.
Core Relationship Qualities: The Foundation of a Strong Partnership
Having a Self-Improvement Mindset for Personal Growth
There are certainly must haves in a potential partner. While for most, there are always common key core principles of husband or wife material. Let’s briefly see how they will look in both spheres. Along with the core principles, but also the periphery as to what are these key elements to make a husband or wife material. In addition, any potential red flags that people in potential relationships bring up as to what triggers them to deny someone a potential slot for husband or wife.
Main Indicators for Self Growth
a. Improving Self Growth Always: Showing Your Partner You Are Evolving
One of the most popular key components regardless of sex, identity, or gender - is that all look for a potential partner with the ability to grow. Not only to grow individually, but as a couple. Sociologists and psychologists agree that marriage or any form of commitment over the long term, that both individuals will certainly change over time. However, people want a person that will want to improve themselves, and the relationship for it to have any chance to succeed in a long term scenario.
b. Self-Awareness: Deep understanding of personal strengths and limitations
Under this improvement umbrella for growth is not simply where you grow naturally from the surroundings around you, but you have your own commitment to self improve your own weakness as well. They do not want a person who believes that they’ve already reached their potential growth aka I peaked in the high school or college crowd. This is the person most do not want to have a relationship with, or at least a long term committed relationship. This borders on a lack of self awareness, or even narcissism if you already believe you are perfect at whatever stage in life you are.
c. Intellectual Curiosity: The Ability to Learn and Want to Learn.
Who doesn’t want a partner that wants to learn? That trait is so attractive in a potential mate. We have all seen the person who has peaked in high school - and surprisingly enough, without any self awareness still believes they are at the top of the food chain.
Top Performance Metrics for One’s Personal Growth
The Ability to Accept Constructive Criticism
Another prize quality that is always mentioned when looking for Hubby or wife material is an openness to the individual. Not simply being open in their personality, but rather being open to criticism. Such as having discussions on issues that they or the partnership may consider to be thorny or personal in nature. This openness to accept constructive and positive criticism, and work on such issues, is something prized by all individuals.
The Ability for Self-Reflection
Within this umbrella of growth and self-awareness are several key components. One is, as we’ve discussed above, one must have a self awareness of one’s positives and negative characteristics. I once had an individual who was a friend who was completely unaware of his own character. He lacked complete self awareness. The idea that someone lacked self awareness in this day and age raises many potential red flags. One of them I believe is the shallowness or lack of substance in a person such as this.
Relationship Skills Building
The second most highly prized quality under the term “growth” - is the ability to not only work on one self. but a willingness to work on the relationship. That is, any issues that come up in the relationship that they are willing to tackle together in a team concept to solve
2. Emotional Intelligence and How it Works in Your Relationship
The Top Essential Emotional Traits
+ Empathy
Number one on anyone’s list is Empathy. Who doesn’t want a partner who can empathize with you day in and day out? Someone who truly feels compassion for you on your lowest days. I could never understand how someone could be with someone who had no empathy. I remember a fellow like that, who married the coldest person I had ever come across. I could only shake my head at that partnership. No thanks.
+ Communication
You want to be with someone who can communicate in a normal, thoughtful, and rational manner. No one wants an individual who is irrational, too emotional, or cannot communicate with you in an empathetic manner.
+ Ability to Solve Problems
You want someone who wants to solve a problem, rather than create it. We have all come across individuals who want to start a conflict without reason. The old adage of “making a mountain out of a molehill” certainly applied to many failed relationships.
3. Seeing the Same Vision and Having Similar Values
In addition, one of the main umbrellas that all relationships are formed under is whether the wife or husband is the right material is the belief in having a shared vision.
Compatibility Test
a. Life Goal Match Up
A crucial question to have answered as you move forward in your relationship. Do your life goals align with each other? How many times do you hear of a relationship failing in the husband and wife category because they do not want kids? or some other important milestone.
b. Value Systems Are They The Same?
In particular two sets, one being goals in one’s life and the other being values that both people share. A core of set beliefs and values. It is true proponents argue that some partnerships and marriage is based on the idea of opposites attract. However, most sociologists argue that this ideology is not as popular as it once used to be. That in today’s digital age similarities and love for particular values are much easier to unite people than opposite values would.
c. Expectations for a Long Term Relationship
Another key element by sociologists and by the large majority of individuals that they want is to have a partner that is not only interested in growing, but has an interest in learning new things - both individually and as a couple. This is a form of a mindset or a personality trait where a person continually wants to grow emotionally and intellectually. Without this particular quality, most agree not only will a person become stale and set in their ways, but this will become an example for the relationship in the not too distant future.
Crucial Compatibility Factors: A Deep Dive of Insights
The Must Have Pre-Commitment Conversations
1. Do They Have a Belief in Marriage and Commitment?
- For your relationship what are your expectations?
- Depth of Commitment by my partner?
- Long term success?
Now let’s take a short and brief look at some of these values that are essential for people looking at when finding a mate for marriage. Of course, when looking for a husband or wife material, the first question you’ll ask any individual is what are their views on marriage? What do you believe is a form of a true commitment? You can tell by their answers their depth of commitment, if not that, at least a strong sense of where they are in the commitment phase of life. It’s not a hard question to answer, although you will see hesitation by some for sure.
2. Sexuality Boundaries and Relationship Boundaries
+ Do you prefer Monogamy?
+ What type of Relationship Structure?
+ Your expectations for Intimacy.
From there, you can then move on to the thorny subject of sexuality, particular if you don’t know somebody that well. Whether they believe in a monogamous relationship or non monogamous relationship? Moreover, for some there is a certain type of relationship that is not defined by the traditional means relationship and the things that are considered part and parcel of a marriage. Such as various forms of sexual exploration outside the marriage that are not simply defined as non monogamy. These questions must be answered now or later to get to the final answer of husband or wife material.
3. Family Planning For the Future
+ Do you want children?
+ How do you see raising the child?
+ Any cultural or religious expectations?
Questions that may seem intrusive at first, but are necessary.
Some swear on these questions for potential successful matches on the idea of children. Do you want children? If so, how many children? And if you do want children, when would you like to start having them? From there, the issue then grows to what about religion, are the children brought up in your religion or the other person’s religion. These are issues that should be compatible, or you run the risk of division.
4. Lifestyle Compatibility
+ Career goals
+ Where do you want to live
+ How do we share our money
+ Work or fun - the balancing act
INCOME
Another interesting element is the potentiality of income. We all want to live a good lifestyle. The question is how to get there. Do you make enough income or will your potential partner be the one to make income for the relationship? If you do want a potential partner who makes a large income that brings up the question of the balance of work and life. How much work is too much work? And will it affect a long term potential relationship?
WHAT CITY TO LIVE IN
Finally, a question that has come up to me before and I had to make a difficult decision which was not a good one. Where will you live with your mate? With the advent of online digital dating, the idea of being in the same city or even in the same country is no longer a given.
Challenges here are that different countries have different cultural norms and lifestyle differences. It is not all bed and roses - witness the advent of reality TV and the pitfalls of overseas relationships. Experts argue that the greater the gap between cultures, language, and lifestyle the greater the likelihood in not being wife or husband material.
Red Flags For Your Relationship
We wrote above how there are certain criteria that must be met. Here are the opposites of those criteria that can kill any thought of husband or wife material.
Index of Deal Breakers
+ No Self Awareness
+ Does Not Want to Grow As a Person
+ Cannot Communicate in a Proper Manner
+ Life Goals Are Not The Same As Mine
+ Immature Emotionally
Advanced Index of Compatibility Traits
My Partners Checklist
(a) Depth of Emotions.
The ability to communicate with me beyond superficial matters. The ability to reach me on a variety of emotions.
(b) Listing Skills Proactive:
My partner is seriously interested in what I have to say, and listens intently and sincerely.
(c) Flexible:
The person has the ability in their growth bother personally, and towards the relationship.
(d) Mindset is Supportive
The ability of the person to encourage me, and the relationship at all times. Someone who wants to improve us and the relationship.
Sociological and Psychological Viewpoints
Expert Analysis
Most well known sociologists and experts in relationships continue to stress the following to have a successful relationship and find the ultimate perfect partner for you. These are the following fool proof traits:
+ Mutual respect
+ Personal growth
+ Similar or same value system
+ Emotional Maturity
Conclusion: Relation Comparability Always Changes and Grows
Important Takeaways
+ Comparability with a mate is complex and grows
+ Growing yourself is always necessary
+ Ability to communicate openly
+ Same or Similar values equals success
My own professional and personal experience as an expert in dating relationships, I can conclude that most look for someone who is not only sympathetic but also has empathy for other individuals. These compassionate feelings towards not only friends and families, but a society as a whole. Also, everyone loves to have a mate who listens well and who can put up with your nonsensical stories and ramblings.
Finally, someone who is not too passive. No one likes to have a mate who is easy to tread over. In the end, every individual has their own subjective feelings. Yet, we all want a mate that has the core elements discussed above for all humans, regardless of gender, sex, identity and culture.
About This Personal Guide
A well researched article with various experts (including myself) along with charts and graphs outlining various trends and conclusions. As well, this article showcases various viewpoints of different perspectives in a a relationship that will help you find the potentially perfect mate.
Keywords in the Article
- what is Husband material
- what is Wife material
- Compatibility
- Long-term relationship
- Personal growth
- Emotional intelligence
- Success traits for relationship
Related Topics
- How to talk effectively in a relationship
- How to grow as a person
- Emotional intelligence in relationships
1. Written By: Anthony Rand. B.A., B.A., LL.M.
2. About the Author: Anthony Rand is a relationship expert with over 35 years of experience in the dating world. He has helped individuals navigate the complexities of modern relationships. He has authored numerous articles on topics ranging from online dating strategies to building lasting relationships. He holds degrees, including an LL.M. (Master of Laws) and two Bachelor of Arts degrees.
DISCLAIMER: Please remember, variation and diversity is a huge part of life. With this comes various expectations and differences in all walks of life. What may work for you may not work for another on the other side of the planet. This article provides insight and fundamental guidelines that should offer strong and sound elements to a successful relationship. However, every relationship is truly different, so always follow your heart and mind to what works best for you
Updated Feb 10, 2025