Sometimes you’ll hear the term husband or wife material. The definition or understanding of this term. is quite simplistic. It is naturally something we all understand. There is no vagueness in here or is there? Foremost, this term husband or wife material simply means key elements or qualities a mate seeks in another mate.
These qualities are obviously for a long term relationship and to get settled down. The vagueness here can be found in each individuals wants based on their own life experiences. They may seek something different than you and I.
There are certainly must haves in a potential partner. While for most, there are always common key core principles of husband or wife material. Let’s briefly how they will look in both spheres. Along with the core principles, but also the periphery as to what are these key elements to make a husband or wife material. In addition, any potential red flags that people in potential relationships bring up as to what triggers them to deny someone a potential slot for husband or wife.
One of the most popular key components regardless of sex, identity, or gender - is that all look for a potential partner with the ability to grow. Not only to grow individually, but as a couple. Sociologists and psychologists agree that marriage or any form of commitment over the long term, that both individuals will certainly change over time. However, people want a person that will want to improve themselves, and the relationship for it to have any chance to succeed in a long term scenario.
Under this improvement umbrella for growth is not simply where you grow naturally from the surroundings around you, but you have your own commitment to self improve your own weakness as well. They do not want a person who believes that they’ve already reached their potential growth aka I peaked in high school or college crowd. This is the person most do not want to have a relationship with, or at least a long term committed relationship. This borders on a lack of self awareness, or even narcissism if you already believe you are perfect at whatever stage in life you are
Within this umbrella of growth and self-awareness are several key components. One is, as we’ve discussed above, one must have a self awareness of one’s positives and negative characteristics. I once had an individual who was a friend who was completely unaware of his own character. He lacked complete self awareness. The idea that someone lacked self awareness in this day and age raises many potential red flags. One of them I believe is the shallowness or lack of substance in a person such as this.
The second most highly prized quality under the term “growth” - is the ability to not only work on one self. but a willingness to work on the relationship. That is, any issues that come up in the relationship that they are willing to tackle together in a team concept to solve . Another prize quality that is always mentioned when looking for Hubby or wife material is an openness to the individual. Not simply being open in their personality, but rather being open to criticism. Such as having discussions on issues that they or the partnership may consider to be thorny or personal in nature. This openness to accept constructive and positive criticism, and work on such issues, is something prized by all individuals.
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Another key element by sociologists and by the large majority of individuals that they want is to have a partner that is not only interested in growing, but has an interest in learning new things - both individually and as a couple. This is a form of a mindset or a personality trait where a person continually wants to grow emotionally and intellectually. Without this particular quality, most agree not only will a person become stale and set in their ways, but this will become an example for the relationship in the not too distant future.
In addition, one of the main umbrellas that all relationships are formed under whether wife or husband material is the belief in having a shared vision. In particular two sets, one being goals in one’s life and the other being values that both people share. A core of set beliefs and values. It is true proponents argue that some partnerships and marriage is based on the idea of opposites attract. However, most sociologists argue that this ideology is not as popular as it once used to be. That in today’s digital age similarities and love for particular values are much easier to unite people than opposite values would.
Now let’s take a short and brief look at some of these values that are essential for people looking at when finding a mate for marriage. Of course, when looking for a husband or wife material, the first question you’ll ask any individual is what are their views on marriage? What do you believe is a form of a true commitment? From there, you can then move on to the thorny subject of sexuality, particular if you don’t know somebody that well. Whether they believe in a monogamous relationship or non monogamous relationship? Moreover, for some there is a certain type of relationship that is not defined by the traditional means relationship and the things that are considered part and parcel of a marriage. Such as various forms of sexual exploration outside the marriage that are not simply defined as non monogamy.
Others go to the question for potential successful matches on the idea of children. Do you want children? If so, how many children? And if you do want children, when would you like to start having them? From there, the issue then grows to what about religion, are the children brought up in your religion or the other person’s religion. Another interesting element is the potentiality of income. We all want to live a good lifestyle. The question is how to get there. Do you make enough income or will your potential partner be the one to make income for the relationship? If you do want a potential partner who makes a large income that brings up the question of the balance of work and life. How much work is too much work? And will it affect a long term potential relationship? Finally, a question that has come up to me before and I had to make a difficult decision which was not a good one. Where will you live with your mate? With the advent of online digital dating, the idea of being in the same city or even in the same country is no longer a given.
Challenges here are that different countries have different cultural norms and lifestyle differences. It is not all bed and roses - witness the advent of reality TV and the pitfalls of overseas relationships. Experts argue that the greater the gap between cultures, language, and lifestyle the greater the likelihood in not being wife or husband material. Some final elements that most would agree they are looking for in a mate. One, we discussed self awareness, however, people have also wanted
“emotional intelligence” in a partner. Also, most look for someone who is not only sympathetic but as well has empathy for other individuals. These compassionate feelings towards not only friends and families, but a society as a whole. Also, everyone loves to have a mate who listens well and who can put up with your nonsensical stories and ramblings. Finally, someone who is not too passive. No one likes to have a mate who is easy to tread over. In the end, every individual has their own subjective feelings. Yet. we all want a mate that have the core elements discussed above for all humans, regardless of gender, sex, identity and culture.
Written By: Joyce DeWitt