What is ? Heteroflexibility is relatively a new term coined in the 2000’s campuses of American colleges. This essay will attempt to define it, as well as explore to how heteroflexible individuals work today in the relatively fluid world of modern dating.
Heteroflexible is not a new idea, but rather a relatively new term. What it means, in its simplest defintion, is an individual who identifies as heterosexual, but on the occasion, has attraction to the same sex. The individual, wether he/she/them, does not consider themselves bisexual. However, they will have a relationship or a sexual encounter with someone of the same sex on the occasion. When you first discuss this issue in heteroflexible, the question becomes, how many times can a heteroflexible individual engage in same sex relationships until the boundary is crossed where they are no longer defined as heteroflexible, but are rather bisexual?
This is the difficult question and a nuanced one at best. From my readings, it seems no one has the answer unless it is best answered by the individual themselves as to how they feel and identifiy with what particular orientation. It is a very fluid identity. However, the strict definition of heterosexual flexibility is that one will always define themselves for the most part, primarily heterosexual and find attraction with the opposite gender on occasion. Being heteroflexible or identifying as heteroflexible publicly can cause several challenges, issues and opportunities in the modern dating world of various genders and under the identity umbrella.
Let’s take a closer look at the defining characteristics of what makes a heteroflexible individual. The first is that heteroflexible individuals are primarily attracted to individuals of the opposite sex. What primarily means, or what percentage no one really knows. Secondly, they are very much open to the idea of having a sexual experience with someone of the same sex. However, doing so is not as frequent as having sex with the opposite sex as well, having sex with the same sex individual in no way it seems shapes their political or sexual identity. The identify in their public role and believe as being a heterosexual in all aspects.
Proponents of heteroflexible say that being heteroflexible means that you are part of a gender spectrum that is fluid. By identifying as heteroflexible, you not only subscribe to it, you prove that sexuality and identity exist on a very large spectrum as opposed to simply being binary male and female. The most recent study to suggest how popular being heteroflexible occurred roughly in 2020. The study concluded that approximately 15% of Americans identify as heteroflexible, amd are attracted to the same sex at times. The question then becomes, how does such a vague question mean that they are automatically heteroflexiblel? Or is this simply a particular agenda trying to move a particular identity? The reader will have to decide for themselves.
Let us look briefly at some of the challenges and issues that may affect someone identifying as a heteroflexible in the modern dating world. One of the first arguments given by heteroflexible individuals is that they face discrimination not simply from the straight community, but rather also the LGBTQ community. They cite numerous different reasonsm, but the primary reason is that the LGTBQ community sometimes will be prejudiced or skeptical of such individuals. It is so, because the community will say the heteroflexible person is denying their true bisexuality and attempting instead to do a balancing act. Stating themeslves as heterosexual or heteroflexible when in fact they are not, but rather bisexual.
Heteroflexible also state that they run into quite a few issues trying to explain their position to their present or potential mates. This attempt to explain their identity to their potential partner or present partner tends to be quite emotionally draining they argue. Even a more difficult issues for heteroflexibile individuals is their attempt in finding a partner who can understand and either relate or agree to their identity. Finding such a person seems to be quite difficult in today’s vast dating modern world - particularly amongst the heterosexual gender spectrum.
Some heteroflexible individuals say they feel out of touch and out of place in either heterosexual spaces or LGBTQ spaces. Somehow the find themselves at odds or stuck in a sphere. A world that is neither accepts them fully or looks down upon them. An atttempt to marginalize them because of their hetero-flexibility. By being in such a position heteroflexible individuals feel a degradation of their own identity or a lack of acceptance by either community. They stronhly feel they should be accepted by both communities openly and honestly.
One of the defining characteristics of not feeling at home in either camp of heterosexuality or the LGBT communities is that heteroflexible believe that at times they have stereotypes imposed upon them by both societies. One camp telling them to make a choice for bisexuality. The other camp saying they are simply trying out a little bit on the wild side of their sexual impulsed not their sexual identity. In the end, both are saying stop hiding on tand using their heteroflexible identity as a scapegoat for their true identity - be in heterosexual or bisexual. One or the other.
The majority of heterosexual individuals say that maintaining a heteroflexible relationship and I identity while at the same time having attractions to other identities and genders can be at times complex and difficult. However, heteroflexible individuals will say that one must be true to their self and true to their identity.The first step is to love yourself, and accept yourself unconditionally regardless of any pressures or criticisms from society. By doing this first crucial step, you will find happiness within yourself and a future mate. Regardless of whether society or any camp does not accept you fully, the key is to accept yourself fully and understand that your attractions to each gender in different doses is acceptable.
Another key criteria in having successful relationships and being heteroflexible is to be honest with your partner. Also, in addition to being honest, one must have communication that is open. Furthermore, make sure to tell your partner what are the boundaries you have, what boundaries they have, and what is the comfort levels for all parties involved. It will make moving forward with your partner much more easier and less complex. Finally the elephant in the room. In many research papers there is an issue rarely address in being a heteroflexible individual. The question remains - if one is in a heterosexual relationahip, and on occasion they decide to have relations with the same sex on a certain frequency - does not then make them non monogamous?
This of course opens up a new issue of non monogamy. The difficulty here it is a complex situation and one best left to the individual to figure out and navigate the potentially complex waters of being heteroflexible in the modern dating world.
Written by: Harry Reems.