The wedding industry of $30,000 is a bore. I will tell you why, and you can after reading this personal essay why I am right, and speak from experience.
Quick Index:
- Italy: Where "Roman Holiday" Meets "Eat Pray Love"
- Iceland: For Couples Who Are Cool Enough to Be Cold
- Big Sur: California Dreaming Without the Traffic
- Kyoto: Where Tradition Meets Feminist Redefinition
- Conclusion: Your Wedding, Your Rules
The wedding industry of $30,000 is a bore. With your mother’s opinions on the flower arrangements, your future mother-in-law’s demands for the guest list, and that one cousin who apparently needs a vegan-gluten-free-nut-free meal, what should be about your love story quickly becomes a people-pleasing exercise. No wonder more couples are telling the wedding industry "thank you, next!". Now, they are eloping and living their own story!
Italy: Where "Roman Holiday" Meets "Eat Pray Love"
Italy: The Setting for a Roman Holiday in Love.
Going to Italy isn’t just for the pasta-loving protagonists on their self-discovery journey, but also for couples wanting their commitment photos to look like a Vogue editorial, sans hiring Annie Leibovitz.
Pick a Romantic Backdrop: Canals or Vineyards?
The reports of Emma Stone and Dave McCary's wedding show how important it is for celebrities to get hitched out of the spotlight. They originally considered Venice's winding canals but finally got married in a private LA ceremony. Venice has that old-world romantic feeling, where you can actually float to your ceremony venue. Now, that’s an entrance!
Meanwhile, Succession star Sarah Snook and comedian Dave Lawson snuck off to her Brooklyn backyard to elope. The couple, however, later hosted a getaway with friends celebrating at a Tuscan villa. In an interview with Vanity Fair, Snook told the publication that “there’s something about drinking wine where it was made while wearing an old slip dress that is better memories than fighting with your uncle about politics at a reception”
Ancient History or Renaissance Opulence?
Why settle for a banquet hall when you get married where gladiators fought? The ancient Rome ruins make a strong statement that your love will outlast empires, if not celebrity marriages. When my college roommate Jen eloped to Rome, she and her partner found an English-speaking celebrant who incorporated ancient Roman marriage traditions, including handfasting with a gold-threaded cord that now hangs framed in their apartment.
On the other hand, Florence’s Renaissance palaces exude big “old money” energy without needing the actual old money. A much-sought-after palace comes at a lower rent for an intimate ceremony than most suburban American venues charge for the “basic package.” What’s more, you get frescoes, not polyester chair covers. Fashion designer Misha Nonoo says after her Italian micro-wedding, when the backdrop is this beautiful, you don’t need to spend on decor.
Food chats: Sea food or truffle?
Let’s be honest — food is possibly the best part of getting married in Italy. In Venice, the seafood you eat was swimming that morning, often made into risottos that would make your local “Italian” restaurant cry.
At the same time, Tuscany allows you to play out your truffle-hunting fantasies. Writer Elizabeth Minchilli organizes foraging trips that allow couples to dig up their truffle wedding dinner as she plans intimate weddings in Italy. "It's the ultimate 'something old, something new, something borrowed, something… grew underground,’” she jokes.
Iceland: For Couples Who Are Cool Enough to Get Cold.
Iceland can best be compared to a nature's alternative art gallery stark and dramatic enough to draw envy from your followers. It’s excellent for couples who think romance means wearing thermal.
Aqua vs Ice: Who Will Win?
In 2022, photographer Kiersten Rowland and her partner eloped to Solheimajökull glacier in Iceland. Being on actual ice that's been created for centuries makes you step back and think about the vows you're saying. When you are amongst something that has existed for thousands of years, forever feels more real.
Meanwhile, actresses Kristen Stewart and Dylan Meyer were planning to tie the knot at the Skógafoss waterfall in Iceland. In the end, they chose a home wedding instead. The waterfall, which measures 200 feet, provides a mesmerizing curtain effect, an accessory naturally created by Mother Nature that requires no Pinterest boards.
Cabin Village vibes for shy couples
Iceland’s far-off cabins make for a very secluded wedding—you won’t have to worry about your loud neighbors gate crashing. Elspeth Vischer, a writer and climate activist, described her elopement in a glass-roofed cabin as “the introverted dream wedding.” The only guest was a curious Arctic fox who wandered by during our first dance.
The coastal villages of the country offer a little more civilization but still very much have that end-of-the-earth feel. Many people elope to Vík, which only has 300 residents, but a black sand beach and basalt columns create a natural cathedral—architectural grandeur without the religious baggage.
Which is better: The Northern Lights or The Blue Lagoon?
Couples can schedule their elopements to coincide with the Northern Lights for a once-in-a-lifetime experience like no other. The photographer Gabe McClintock shot a viral elopement photo of couple Catie and Josiah hugging under the green glow of the aurora. Since that time, it has inspired many Pinterest boards and requests for elopement.
The Blue Lagoon offers a completely different vibe. Travel writer Oneika Raymond says that it's nature's spa day. You can literally put on a mud mask while saying your vows, which is both ridiculous and somehow perfect. These days, various companies are offering “Lagoon Elopement” packages that come with private access before regular tourists arrive.
Big Sur: California Dreaming Without the Traffic
Choose Your Element: Cliff Edge or Forest Bathing
In 2020, the wedding of actress Freida Pinto and photographer Cory Tran took place at the Ventana Big Sur. Pinto told Vogue that “we could see the whales breaching” far away during the vows. Ocean was literally witnessing us as we got committed.
The redwood forest brings an entirely different energy where ancient trees form a natural cathedral with light filtering through which photographers call God rays. When tech entrepreneur Emma Grede and her partner Carter decided to ditch the over-the-top wedding culture of Silicon Valley, they kept it simple in the redwood forest. "I realized that the anxiety caused by my startup was not so severe in the grand scheme of things"
Should one be rustic or luxurious?
Big Sur offers both ends of the accommodation spectrum. On one side of the spectrum, an eco-friendly couple will be happy with rustic cabins that have outdoor showers and composting toilets. Writer Roxane Gay wrote that staying in a cabin like that would be “going back to essentials, which is what marriage should be, it’s stripping away the nonsense and focussing on what matters.”
Rooms that go for around $1,200 a night at Post Ranch Inn and Ventana Big Sur go for the luxe route with infinity pools that look out over the Pacific and spa offerings using local botanicals. “It’s still cheaper than feeding 150 people rubber chicken,” notes Tori Dunlap, financial adviser and founder of Her First $100K.
Hike or Beach Bonfire: Action or Atmosphere?
If you’re an adventurous couple, you can take your elopement to the summit of a hike in Big Sur for stunning views. Fitness influencer Adriene Mishler took us on her ‘hike to I do’, with photos of her climbing the trails in a simple slip dress and hiking boots, with the veil getting caught on manzanita bushes. These are all real moments that no staged wedding portrait could ever recreate.
Beach bonfires offer a more relaxed alternative. As stated by writer Roxane Gay, “There is something very primal about promising yourself to someone with fire and water as witnesses.” Local vendors supply legal fire pits, blankets, s’mores fixings, and even acoustic guitarists for sunset ceremonies that are cheaper than hiring a traditional wedding DJ.
Kyoto: Where Tradition Meets Feminist Redefinition
Kyoto: Where Tradition Meets Feminism.
Couples in Japan can participate in a ritual without Western wedding baggage. In Kyoto, ancient traditions meet modern interpretations.
Are you looking for a sacred place or a serene one?
When the director of Crazy Rich Asians, Jon M. Chu, got married to Kristin Hodge, they did a nod to the ceremony of a temple in Kyoto. In an interview, Chu explained, “There is something humbling about marking your union in places dedicated to something greater.”
Elif Batuman, a previous diplomat and writer, eloped to Kyoto and had a private garden ceremony. In the Western wedding, the couple become the celebrities for a day, she writes. Like a little flower in a Japanese garden, you are just one part of something bigger and more beautiful. That’s a feminist message.
Fusion Celebrations: Honoring, Not Appropriating.
A traditional Shinto ceremony for couples must be culturally sensitive. Mari Takahashi is an elopement planner in Kyoto who says you should hire local officiants who can explain the meanings of each ritual. According To Her, It Is About Respecting Other Cultures And Not Appropriating.
Modern fusion ceremonies blend elements thoughtfully. Actress Kiko Mizuhara was a witness at a Kyoto elopement, and the couple did a sake san-san-kudo but exchanged vows on sustainable paper. According to Mizuhara, a tradition need not be static. The best way of using these traditions is to first understand their meaning before creating your own.
Don’t Choose Half the City’s Sites Baselessly.
Cherry blossoms are all about new beginnings, but pricey and crowded. Catherine Jubilee, a travel writer, says it is pretty but messy. Some couples find that the red maple leaves of autumn photograph better and hotel rates are more reasonable.
While in Kyoto, musician Mitski asked for privacy. Reportedly, she booked time in late November, so she could enjoy fall colors without all the spring tourists. The rich fall hues make for a more sophisticated backdrop than the candy-pink spring flowers – perhaps that’s a better symbol for marriage itself.
Conclusion:
Remember it's your Wedding, and your rules!
Modern elopements are just a wedding getaway without all the traditions and location of a traditional wedding. It doesn’t matter if you get married on an ice-capped glacier in Iceland, under sunny Italian skies, in a California redwood forest, or a Japanese garden–wherever it is, it’ll be your moment in the sun.
As we observed with real couples, elopements can be a feminist act to take back what marriage means to you, not your family, not society, and not the wedding industry. People prefer experiences over performances, connections over consumption and meanings over spectacles.
Whenever someone asks why you would throw away a big wedding, remind them that what you are throwing away is… What you gain is a start to your marriage which actually feels like it won’t be the same… Well, you.
And really, isn't that the chicest choice of all?
Readers Tools.
- Elopement Budget Calculator:
- Use our handy calculator to discover how your wedding budget transforms into monuments, gems, accommodations and more for your elopement.
- Take our destination matcher quiz
- Next time to answer 5 questions and find your ideal elopement destination. Your answers will be based on what you love. These include your aesthetic, comfort with extreme weather, and your tolerance for jet lag.
- Communication Templates For Family:
- Considerate letter/message templates to help you announce your elopement without your family having a meltdown.
- A selected list of photographers
- that specialize in small, intimate ceremonies and don’t make you do those awkward prom poses.
About the Author
Zoe Chen is a 31-year-old writer and recovering traditional bride who canceled her 200-person wedding three months before the date. She instead eloped to New Zealand and saved $25,000 and her sanity. From that moment on, she became passionate about helping other couples navigate the pressure to conform to wedding industry expectations.
She lives in Portland with her spouse and their rescue greyhound named after their wedding cake.