Dating as a bisexual woman in the modern dating world? Being a bisexual woman brings its particular nuances and various issues (some complex ) to the modern dating world. The ability to navigate, date, and be attracted to various genders makes the dating spectrum that much larger for a bisexual woman.
With such a large and diverse dating pool this also brings with it diverse experiences in various forms of relationships and genders. This brief essay will look at some of the issues, complexities, stigmas, while dating as a bisexual woman. First we must define and understand bisexuality and the female form. Bisexuality looked at the most common definition. It simply means being attracted to one more than one gender. Now this needs further and a larger definition since the gender umbrella includes many terms. Bisexual women can be attracted to women, men, and any other gender in the LGBTQ+ spectrum umbrella. Always remember, that we need not forget that it need not be an equal attraction. It all depends upon the individual a person may be attracted to. For example, they may be attracted to women much more than men. Also, this attraction may be fluid over time as it moves across the gender spectrum. As you can see, bisexuality can offer a varety of numbers of gender attraction and diversity in relationships in the modern world. So, never assume that bisexuality is simply binary, and never changes in the gender identity spectrum.
Let’s look at some of the key markers where we can define bisexuality better. The first marker would be the attraction to various genders and as mentioned above, this attraction need not be equal. Secondly, these attractions can change over time - be it the gender, identity, or sex. Also, bisexuality is not pansexuality, although some critics may argue there is some overlap between the two identifications. Also, bisexuality can work with any form of a relationship. Whether one wants to classify it as being in a monogamous relationship, a non monogamous relationship or an open relationship. Any other form of relationship form or structure, regardless of how vague the bisexual woman identifies with is always valid. This includes disregard to their previous identity and previous relationships, and regardless of how their partner or potential partner identifies themselves as.
Being a bisexual woman in the modern dating world brings it at times certain prejudices against them for being bisexual. This discrimination and prejudice not only occurs in the straight community, but as well as in the LGBTQ plus communities. The terms used to call out this discrimination and prejudice would be by erasure and the more commonly referred term as biphobia. The prejudice and discrimination are equal it seems and how they are viewed by both communities. For example, some will say when they hear that you are bisexual, they will simply call it a phase. That you are simply experimenting and you are actually straight. Others will say that you are confused, while some will say you are just greedy in nature and want to have the best of all worlds and satisfy your sexual appetite. Why does this cause problems? Bisexual women will say at times being called this makes them feel like they are being erased, that they’re bisexuality is not real or permanent. They also state that they feel certain societal pressures either from friends, family or communities to pick a side meaning pick a gender and stay on that gender.
When coming out as a bisexual woman in the dating world, perceptions vary across different types of gender assumptions. When bisexual women date men, for the men it is as fetishization, a fantasy come true. When they are dating women there’s a certain cautiousness towards them. They wonder when dating a bisexual woman will they go back to dating men exclusively. It seems each particular group has their own different expectations or assumptions about bisexual women that may be incorrect or completely false.
Disclosure is always a hot topic amongst bisexual women. Choosing when to come out and to who to come out is a very personal and individual choice. This question of when to come out to your partner is also a choice that can cause much anxiety and stress for bisexual women. The reasons are quite obvious - once you come out, you may be rejected by your partner outright. You may also be judged or you just may be seen differently as a person, even though you are the same person as before.
Certain bisexual women speak of a very limited dating pool when they’re bisexuality is stated up front. For instance, there are many, many men who want to date bisexuals and fulfill a fantasy. But that number is decreased substantially, woman say when it comes time to have a long-lasting and permanent relationship. This also applies to women as well. It is hard for non bisexual lesbian women to accept them as bisexual wondering at what time will they leave them to go to the other side of being attracted to men again? So the idea of finding an individual regardless of sex, gender, or identity to accept them as they are, and accept their form of sexual attraction is not as easy as the media may project to the dating masses.
There is also the issue some say is theoretical, some others say is more practical - the issue of moving between the spaces of different communities of being straight as well as the LGTBQ+ community. This idea whether real or not of moving between two different and varying communities, some say leads to various isolation. These feelings are legitimate, and can lead to a syndrome some have referred to as the imposter syndrome. This impostor syndrome, some say, creates what is referred to as an internalized biphobia. This is where bisexual women internalize all the negative stereotypes, beliefs and views of bisexuality. By doing this, it impacts their self worth and self esteem as well as their ability to date as a bisexual person in the modern dating world.
Regardless of all the issues and complexities stated above bisexual women do find love and permanent relationships in the modern dating world. The keys to success are several, such as - look for spaces that are friendly to your gender identity, whether in similar communities are online dating sites that cater to your needs. Always be open about who you are and what you want in a relationship. Most importantly, accept who you are and what you love with a full embrace. Be confident of who you are and that will most definitely lead to a happy future relationship.
Written By: Joyce DeWitt