Free love. What is the first thing that comes to mind when someone mentions to you the popular phrase, free love? Myself, I first think of the 1960s or 70’s. I would argue that it originated from this era into open casual sex, as well as friendship with strangers on first immediate meeting. But I would be wrong, as most others would be as well that it came from the 1960s era.
Many socialists and proponents argue that the idea of free love has substantially changed what we refer to as modern digital dating as well as modern relationships permanently. In this brief essay, let’s explore the origin of the idea of free love, where it came from and how it works today in your everyday dating modern life. Sociologists have said that ”free love” actually began sometime in the early 19th century. That this was actually a social movement, and it emerged as a voice of reason against the institution of marriage, and the norms of society. They believed, rightfully, that there were inherent restrictions on types of relationship, be it legal or social variations of this norm. One of the first thinkers and believers of free love was a person named Percy Shelley. He argued with the slogan “love is free” and his growing movement began to reject the present monogamous structure of love.
Some critics argue that the idea of free love was not a major movement, but rather a side movement of the overall critique of marriage and its place in society. That may be true, however, the “love is free” movement also believed that love was extremely important and sacred. However, there should not be any type of regulations with it - whether legal or social - nor any societal expectations from engaging in free love. While this was not the first argument against morality, or how marriage stood in society, it was certainly the beginnings of free love and its argument against how it is to be viewed.
First look
Let’s look at some of the groups the 19th century movement created. The first was something called affinities - elective affinities. This is where the creators believed any relationship that was made with the concept of free love should be referred to as “elective affinity”. Looking at the term now, it seems a bit strange and odd and not quite and not colloquially at all. In fact, the originator’s defined this term saying it was a mutual law between both individuals with no expectation of any form of long-term commitment or marriage. This idea of love, aka sex, without bringing up any notion of marriage was quite radical in that time and era.
Interesting enough, there’s a historical perspective of what occurred with the free love movement. We know that since this is the 19th century certainly the term free love was much more radical, even when it became more mainstream later in the 1960’s. In fact, several communities calling themselves “Utopia” were created in the early 19th century with the idea of free love and put into everyday use. One of the most famous communities was in New York, and they called it the “Onida community”.
This community was founded by an individual named John Noise. The Oneida community considered themselves perfectionists and they believed if you were married to one person, then you were married to all. Again, very, very radical for its time. Particularly in how to interact with the other sex and relationships. Of course, this community caused a huge uproar locally by its flaunting societal norms.
What was interesting about the term free love in the 19th century was the connections it made outside its communities. If someone told you that free love had political ideologies attached to it and was a voting issue you would certainly most turn that down as some kind of a fraud or fantasy. You would also be wrong again since in the 1872 US presidential elections it took on a national spotlight. “Free love” along with various other reform movements (regardless of how fringe they were) were to be included within the women’s rights movement. Critics argue that free love while not the main issue, and on the fringes of the women’s rights movements, it was still part of it. For instance, the leaders of the women’s right movement such as Elizabeth Stanton and Susan Anthony both found common ground with the free love movement because of the respect and wanting of equal female rights.
Sociologists and proponents argue today that free love obviously has taken into many different shapes and forms in the modern dating society and how we look at relationships. And of course, how are attitudes towards relationships and dating have changed because of free love. For example, sociology proponents point out the concept of casual dating. You can add to this as well, relationships that are not monogamous. Today, there is no taboo in having sex in a relationship without any promise or expectation of marriage. This of course shows a tremendous shift away from the 19th century to more open and honest attitudes about commitment and sexual relations with another partner. Most would agree the lack of negative connotations and having sex as a norm in dating without any expectations is found in the free love movement. Personal choice, personal freedom and the ability to explore one’s identity and happiness in supposed sexual bliss.
Final thoughts
One particular famous offshoot of free love is the commonly used term we can find in modern media and dating. The term “friends with benefits”. This of course is the purest form of free love. This is sexual contact with an individual without any form of expectation of relationship and in some cases without any love to begin with. However, the friends with benefits has its own issues that critics pounce on saying that it is not as popular as the media makes it out to be. They argue, there is difficulty here in managing boundaries as well as emotions by the partners towards each other in this structure.
The free love ideal has bled into other relationship forms and groups in the modern world. Some critics have said that free love has influenced the rise of such movements of being polyamorous or at least being non monogamous. The idea of these movements is strictly sexual in some form at least they argue. The idea that sex is put at the forefront of said relationship so that the other individual will not be misled and understand this is an open concept relationship. Its roots are in free love.
As we briefly alluded to in the beginning, the 1960’s and 1970’s was the growth of free love into mainstream society. Cultural shifts, political shifts, and sexual shifts all changed drastically in this time forever. Free love became evident in so many different things to many different people. From the availability of birth control. To the idea of dating for sex and with sex with no restrictions or goals. Free Love created a much more open society which we are feeling the effects of today.
Written By: Julia Ormonds