Free mate. When you first hear the word it can offer some confusing definitions. What is the term? Is it an individual who’s been freed from prison or free from a criminal charge? Could it be in an android free game? That was my first initial reaction. Looking at it closely it is an odd combination of words used.
This term is not used very often in today’s society because we take it as a right given to all immediately. “Free mate” is simply having the choice to choose who you want to marry or mate with. While our western culture takes this for granted, in some cultures it is not so easy. There are certain familial and societal pressures which can result in a marriage or choosing of a mate that is not entirely of one’s own free will. Some even go to the extreme of an arranged marriage (what is extreme will depend on the reader’s viewpoint). There are those on this free mate spectrum who argue that free mate is not the best choice when choosing who to mate with. That there are positives to having someone choose for you, your mate, whether family, or by society. Sociologists have weighed in on the subject matter for the idea of free mate but have played it safe calling free mate a “complex issue.” This brief essay will touch upon some of these issues, and discuss the positives and negatives associated with free mate.
The idea of Free mate has been a standard in Western culture and Western society for hundreds if not thousands of years. Our first jumping off point will be the evolutionary trait and how free mate affects it. The studies of various animals over many varied subjects have shown that when given the choice of a free mate there is significant and tremendous advantage. These are advantages from an evolutionary viewpoint. The many positives are the following. An increase in the number of offspring of the animal. The increased rate of growth amongst these offspring. The increased efficiency of offspring surviving and operating in their environment. Finally, the increase of performance of these offspring in nature. This was most evident the experts argue when they looked at bird nest building skills. compared to those who were not allowed to choose their mate. Most importantly, particularly from an evolutionary standpoint, the ability for these offspring to survive higher rates of disease and living longer than their counterparts of forced mating.
Also
We do know the outcome is much greater and stronger if you’re able to choose your mate versus those who were unable to choose their mate in the animal kingdom. One of the hypotheses behind this argues that by being able to choose your mate you do so based on your compatibility levels. The greater your compatibility leverage, the greater the success you will have and pass it on to your offspring. It seems choice, along with happiness equals greater success in the environment for your offspring. These criteria obviously apply to the human species as well, even to a greater level of success.
However, critics argue that using the findings in animals and putting them out to humans is not that simple but it is a much more complex picture. They point to a famous study which used three indigenous tribes to map out success versus failure for those couples who are arranged versus not arranged. Their findings contradicted the animal species findings. They found absolutely no difference between those who had pre-arranged marriages versus those who chose their own mate. They specifically pointed out the number of offspring that survived and the offspring that thrived. Critics will argue that the sample size here is much too small, not complex at all, and did not take into account the many different variations and variables that would point to the same successes as in the animal kingdom.
Arguments are many and varied among sociologists about the significance and added advantage of choosing your mate versus being forced on you. There is no question that choosing your own mate brings many psychological benefits to an individual. There should be no question here whatsoever. Critics and proponents of free mate or self choice all agree that by choosing your mate, that it shows tremendous and significant increases in intimacy. The intimacy, of course, is not only physical, but as well as emotional building. This is when you have the ability to tell a person who you are with intimate and personal secrets and information that if it was in a non choice mate, you would not be so willing. It would be more difficult to tell the non chosen mate the same information. Of course, in regards to physical intimacy, being attracted to someone you choose as opposed to being not attracted to someone who you’re forced with needs no explanation. There is no world where being forced into a relationship with someone you are not attracted to will equal the same level of intimacy and physical encounters as someone you have chosen and are attracted to. There is no discussion about this. A closed case for sure.
What about the most important elements of a relationship such as the ability to trust your partner and your commitment to the relationship? Is there any difference here between a pre-arranged relationship versus a free choice of mate? Again, there should be no question here, regardless of what the critics might try to state by looking at the original three indigenous tribes. Choosing who you want as a mate, most certainly (at least in the beginning) makes your commitment to that individual that much stronger. As well, the greater belief that this relationship will work.
The idea that you will have a strong commitment and an eternal commitment to an individual you do not know or do not want runs contrary to common sense. Sociologists agree here that by choosing your own mate, you have an emotional investment. The defining truth of the matter is that choice always leads to a more positive and significant desired outcome.
Final Thoughts
This, of course, leads to the second form of a commitment - resolving obstacles. Being with someone you want to be with, particularly in the beginning of a relationship, you of course want to solve all obstacles. Being with someone you really don’t care for, and if an obstacle comes in front of you, you might use that as a scapegoat or excuse to get out of this particular relationship. So again, free choice and choosing your mate will always win out regardless of the critics or what might they have to say.
In western society, we take it inherently granted by the Free mate philosophy. This can be seen everywhere - media, social media, and particularly in dating apps. Critics will argue is there truly a free made society? They will point out certain particular pressures either from family or friends or even advertising itself into pointing us into a direction of who we should choose. That may be true to a certain degree, but it certainly facilitates a better outcome when a personal decision is made by you instead of a pre-arranged choice for you without free choice or free thought.