Ghosting in the modern dating world. I believe most people, especially those of the younger generation, have at least been once or twice ghosted (if not more) in the digital age. Most would agree that ghosting is a fairly new term, taking a special importance in online dating and potential relationships. The modern version of the cold shoulder.
The term has become indeed normalized and is common in any form of romantic relationships or soon to be relationships. Ghosting in its simplest definition is simply when one cuts you off from all communication. This comes with no explanation even though you may have talked to this individual numerous times. In essence, you’ve been blocked and permanently ignored. This essay will take a look at ghosting and the numerous, and various impacts it can have on individuals while dating in the modern data world.
To begin with, ghosting usually occurs in the very few steps of dating. This can occur after a few chats without even meeting. Or it could occur after a few dates, and then you are ghosted permanently. I myself have been ghosted several times in various dating relationships. Your first ghosting experience is outright shock. Thinking that it is something you have said to offend. An offence so great that they have decided to terminate not only communication, but the relationship. I, like many others before me, made repeated attempts with messages to various emails and social outlets. You then wonder if that person will be receiving it? Have you been blocked here as well?
Sometimes you are permanently blocked from their social apps as well without even knowing it. The embarrassment and shock is not only are you ghosted, but you’re ghosted across all of their media apps. You are then wondering if your message got through will it work? Is there a chance that they will un-ghost you? Or at least explain to you why you’ve been ghosted?
Human nature is such that you want a reason for their actions, especially where you see some form of attraction or connection to a person. In my case I was batting 50/50 with my ghosting experiences. Some people would actually get back to me after a various amount of time. I’ve had people ghost me three years, and then come back later and apologize. The question then becomes can you trust this individual once again? Did they make a mistake or are they just a bad person to begin with? Did they show any compassion or sympathy for what had occurred. My record is actually being ghosted twice by the same person over a course of several years. In fact, this woman actually gets in touch with me 5 years later. So again, ghosting can be a very short or long term phenomena in a person’s personal relationship. The ups and downs of the modern dating world.
Some proponents of ghosting state it is not that bad. That ghosting hate is not deserved. I and many others would disagree with this. If you have spent time with an individual - whether online or in person, you at least deserve some kind of reason or send off - even a short note will do. Simply ghosting is a coward’s way of blocking someone. In particular, someone were you actually spent time with and perhaps had romantic interaction with. Proponents of ghosting will make a distinction of various forms of ghosting and they make a strong argument here. They say ghosting at the beginning of a relationship where there are no real emotional physical or intimacy bonds is much different here. That it’s not that bad. Get on with it. Move on and find another person on the dating app. However, ghosting someone after a relationship has already been started, along with physical intimacy, is a different matter entirely for most proponents.
Let’s briefly look at some of the causes of ghosting in a relationship, whether it is the beginning or middle of such a relationship. Of course, some of these answers will be quite obvious. However, you may find an interesting titbit or two of information. Proponents and users of ghosting in the modern dating world argue its increase has become due to the wide variety of options available to potential daters. When you have so many choices, you always think something is better across the pond. Therefore, it becomes less likely for someone to work through issues or take time to get to know someone. Now, reactions are quite immediate, knowing or believing that something better is right in front of them in a very short manner. Choice is freedom. Hence, ghosting is easy if you believe something better most definitely awaits.
Some people say they ghost because they’re afraid or do not want any form of confrontation. That is true. It is difficult to tell somebody you are no longer interested, especially if you consider them to be a nice person and are trying not to hurt them. Unfortunately, ghosting can sometimes have the opposite effect - bringing up anger, anxiety and confusion with the person. This can result in that individual attempting to confront you not only in the digital world, but in the real world. This of course can cause real confrontation and an unnecessary confrontation. Most would say a simple text or email to explain oneself and then to ghost them would at least be the best possible means of avoiding them ever again.
Many instances of ghosting take part in the very early stages of dating in the online world. To the person doing the ghosting, they have no involvement or little if any emotional ties to the person. So simply ghosting here, one can see it’s not much of an issue. Rarely knowing somebody or talking to someone ghosting is a fine option here. Most would agree.
Some ghosters have said they have ghosted an individual because they have an extremely busy lifestyle. There are only so many friends they can have, or lovers. It becomes too cumbersome to continually text someone and this person is simply down on their list or a cut off list where they can’t afford the time. Again, this is a voice of reason for ghosting someone although again it would be nice to simply state that in a small and impersonal text.
Let’s look briefly at some of the impacts towards the person who has been ghosted and their feelings towards it. This rejection causes many great different emotions depending on the level and intimacy level with the individual who has ghosted you. The first that comes to mind would be one’s ego. They think of themselves as not good enough for you - and what did they do that led to this ghosting? You can add to that list of course anxiety. Wondering what if you did something different? Would you be in the same situation? Some who have been ghosted numerous times talk about trust, and inability towards new dating individuals being degraded. With this great degradation comes also a lack of self esteem that has been chipped away by various ghosting situations. Finally, those that have been ghosted speak of distress, in particular emotional distress. They cannot understand or believe that somebody has dropped them so quickly and as well barred them from any type of communication - completely disappearing on them (especially when the person thought the relationship was going quite well). That is the biggest result of ghosting - self doubt.
To conclude, ghosting is a normalized and natural phenomena today in the modern dating world, especially in the world of dating apps and dating online. It is something that cannot can be avoided. And if it does happen to you, you’re simply going to have to move on, unless, of course, the relationship was a much more serious. Then of course, it will take a bit of time, like in all relationships to get over the quick and immediate termination of your relationship.
Written By: Anthony Rand