When you first see the short form acronym of GSOH what first comes to mind? Personally, I didn’t get it. If you look closely, you’ll see it stands for a great/good sense of humor. All social dating studies show, potential partners always check off in their dating box this is what they want in their potential mate. For most, humor is definitely in the top three, but if not in the top three, then definitely the top 5 for the remaining.
This brief essay will look at that critical element of how humor works in both dating and relationships. How important humor is for finding a potential love interest and long term partner. The importance in a relationship of humor.
Looking at the most recent social studies in various forms - both online and offline studies - humor always ranks amongst the top three for romantic partners. People always state how they want love, laugh, and joke with their significant other. Psychologists have stated that the ability to do this on a continual basis, forms a strong sense of bonding in the relationship, and in love. Some proponents of the desirability of humor state that one’s compatibility in humor with your partner is paramount. They believe they can predict the success of your relationship based on the humor characteristics of you and your partner. Let’s take a closer look at what exactly is a good sense of humor and what do they mean by this?
The first thing that strikes me when I see a good sense of humor is that this is a subjective quality, certainly not objective. What I may find funny may go across the head of most people, as it usually does. For the traits below, always remember they are a form of generalized traits as opposed to specific traits. Since again, humor is subjective and always will be. A variety of surveys have stated what is a good sense of humor and the qualities that are necessary that come with it. The following are the top five.
Most for the number one box check the following: the ability to make your potential mate and anyone else laugh at a moment’s notice. Again, playing devil’s advocate for a moment - this can be seen as a subjective element and not a definitive element. Since humor. can only be appreciated by those who can appreciate that particular type of humor. Which leads us to number two on the list. The ability of an individual to appreciate different forms of humor. This I can agree with. We have lowbrow humor, high brow humor, sarcastic humor and everything else in between. The argument here seems to be - you may not like a particular humor type, but at least you can understand and appreciate it.
A third element on the list is what they call or refer to a self deprecating humor. That is when you’re having the ability to laugh at yourself and make fun of yourself on occasion. This particular trait is a tricky one. Since many relationships have been broken up because the person is not too serious or full of jokes all the time. You can be self deprecating, but to a certain extent. Sometimes self deprecation can be seen as a weakness or lack of self identity for the individual. So again, too much of a good thing aka “this type of humor” can be a negative and not a positive one in the long run of a relationship.
Fourth on this list, people have stated the ability for an individual to use humor to either diffuse or help a sticky social situation. Critics will argue though, that - again - using humor too much may be in itself a self defence mechanism where one doesn’t allow their true personality to come through. They absolve themselves of certain issues by using humor as a vassal to protect themselves.
Finally, rounding out the five top criteria in defining humour in relationships is the following: most people have said that having a similar type of humour or sensibility to that of your partner is ideal. That having this in common is helpful in having a long and permanent relationship. There is no argument here. Having a common sense of humor is always good since you have the ability to laugh at your partner’s jokes and they have the ability to understand your jokes. So there are no negatives in this top five element.
Let’s look at some of the psychological arguments made for having a mate with a good sense of humor. Some psychologists have stated when doing studies on potential mates that humor actually ranks higher than physical attraction and financial stability at times. There may be some truth to this. How many times have you seen in the media or perhaps in real life. For example, a male who is average looking, has a date with a sensational looking woman? He wins her heart over with his sense of humor Aka the Adam Sandler effect. Is this true or not? That will be up to the reader to decide. The writer himself hopes that there is some element of truth to this giving hope to all average men in the world. (Tongue in cheek).
Now let’s see some of the arguments psychologists have used or theorized as to why humor can trump everything. They have argued that humor in fact, is evolutionary in scale. That by being humorous, this serves notice to the other party that you are intelligent and creative. That these two traits are very attractive to a potential partner. The second argument they use is that humor reduces stress. By laughing at a particular situation, laughter in and of itself releases the body’s endorphins as well as reducing other hormones in the human body. This all makes us have positive associations with the person telling the humorous story or joke. Again,making a connection with the other person, which is crucial as the first step in a relationship. With more humor comes what psychologists refer to as social bonding. This is when both individuals laugh at the same particular joke. It creates a sense between the individuals not only a bond, but a further step in intimacy. Again, another breakthrough in the first step of a serious relationship.
Psychologists also refer to the ability to use and make humor at a moment’s notice. It is not only a sign of intelligence they argue, but also what they refer to as “higher emotional intelligence”. The combination of emotions and intelligence that gives a particular elixir an attraction to the other party. Finally, psychologists also refer to something called “cognitive flexibility”. This, they argue, is the ability to see particular problems at many different angles. This is something that can be adapted to other situations beyond humor. Once again reflecting the type of intelligence that is attractive to the other party.
To conclude, humor is definitely the top three elements in attracting a potential mate. For some it may be higher up on the scale. For others, it may be slightly lower, but there is no denying that humor is definitely an important characteristic in attraction for a potential mate in a long lasting relationship.
Written By: Joyce DeWitt