Asexuality is a fairly common term in the English lexicon. Most would recognize the term meaning that someone has no sexual desire toward another human being.
Some would argue and add that it goes a bit further in definition and that it also means not simply non sexual but rather a low interest in any sexual activity. Let’s delve a bit further in this lifestyle shall we. Unknown to many, asexual individuals refer to themselves as “Aces”. They believe they can have normative relationships like others, intimacy, love and a partnership minus the ever important sexual component. This would contradict proponent’s argument that asexual relationships are false and contradictory since without sex you cannot have the ultimate form of intimacy or physicality, and without it, makes a relationship of love inconsequential.
ASEXUALITY
Like most sexual boundaries today, asexuals will state they are in a spectrum, one end being no sexual attraction while the opposite end being on rare occasions. They will argue and believe that asexuality is not a choice but rather born like that. Heterosexual, homosexual, and asexual. Others would counter that asexuals are simply fearful individuals of sex itself, and form a raccoon and make the choice themselves instead of delving into the sexual unknown. To the untrained, the spectrum they speak of seems quite limited and parsed, an attempt to make more of it than there really is here. Proponents argue the contrary, they point to the various unknown cater gores of the following - all which allow quite the diverse experience they oud say.
We have the following divisions in the spectrum:
Aromatic
Gray Sexual
Demisexual
Romantic Connection
A person who is asexual and identifies himself Let us not forget that asexuality proponents would argue that they have many diverse experiences in the relationship world, whether one tends to believe them or not. The first categories we can look at is someone what’s called in the asexual world an Aromatic. That is an individual who experiences absolutely no romantic attraction to any type of other individual. The second category we can look at is something that is referred to as “grey asexual” in the asexuality world. This is where the level is raised up by a minutiae where they can actually have a slight experience sexual attraction once or twice in their lifetime. From there we could fall to the 3rd category something that is referred to as “demisexual” where they can in fact actually have a sexual attraction, but only if, there is some kind of bond that is formed within a formative relationship, in particular an emotional relationship and not a physical relationship.
The ironic issue in an asexual relationship coming from someone who’s in a heterosexual romantic relationship is that asexual individuals will argue that they too can have the same as you, meaning they can also have love and a solid loving relationship. As you, they desire a romantic relationship, and they also want to experience - where they say they can experience - the same intense connections you can have. The only requirement or element missing from such an asexual relationship is that there is no part of them taking in any type of sexual contact.
Now this of course raises several multifaceted questions and issues in any type of relationship without sex. What kind of relationship can you have? Asexual proponents will say that there is difficulty in a non sexual relationships, but they can navigate and come to a a satisfying conclusion for all parties. A place were all parties are happy and satisfied in this form of relationship. The same key elements that you prize in a relationship is the same elements you will find in an asexual relationship. One of the strongest would be intimacy. The second strongest obviously would be companionship. Now many individuals in a regular heterosexual relationship will say companionship is fine and intimacy is fine, but it cannot be strengthened without sex. There lies the conundrum.
For an asexual, their list of priorities is much different, it seems, than those in an adorative, normative relationship. The first they will tell you is that one must set up boundaries, which, again, is a norm for all. However, in any sexual partnership, this is especially important. They will argue that they want the other individual to have a level of trust and intimacy and to know beforehand what they should expect and what they should not expect. The most obvious then is physicality or the lack of physicality. Where does one law draw the line, or is there no line in asexuality? Asexuals will argue again that there is a spectrum here that some will have no physical contact, while others will hold hands or touch and kiss each other. The argument here is, if once you start kissing, it’s a slippery slope. Should this not be a part of asexuality as well?
What about emotional leads? One would ask for those who want to go inside of this element, a sexual relationship must exist.. How does one express any type of affection other than these minor limits? And how can you or if can you actually fall in love? Again, asexuals argue all of the above is possible, simply the lack of intimate contact or sexual bonding can in no way value. devalue a true relationship based in love and into intimacy beyond sex. In the end, it seems asexual relationships, they will agree with this as well, intend to redefine what the word intimacy means to the vast majority. That intimacy no longer must include sexual contact, but rather can be devoid of sexual contact. and be satisfying still to both partners. Proponents would argue that it would only be satisfying to one partner, and in the end the 2nd partner would miss what they’ve had before and prior to other relationships.
Asexuals like to point out to others that they actually have a very difficult, confusing at times circumstance in leading a life of being asexual. That they are often misunderstood or not understood at all by the society at large. As such, the society often imposes upon them the same goals as all others when growing: meaning that you have to have sex, to have a proper and fulfilling relationship. They vehemently argue against this and say they are simply born like this. Another issue that the asexual likes to bring up is that there’s a tremendous amount of misunderstanding about them and misunderstanding about their types of relationship, and unknown of the spectrum that one could be under the asexual banner.
They say to remember, that Asexual partners may have different comfort levels with various forms of affection, requiring ongoing communication to find mutually satisfying ways to express intimacy for cultivating healthy asexual relationships To conclude, asexuals believe that they are actually a truly special niche within the dating community. By being asexual, it has allowed them to get creative on how they express their intimacy to their partner and how they express their love to their partner. They believe that by promoting their particular sect of sexual preference or lack of that it will become a more popular notion for those who intend to look at the various acts of different types of relationships and dating in the modern world.
Asexuality, they will argue, seeks to make this a norm, as a much larger norm than is presented in society that one can have a fulfilling and loving relationship without sex. And they too are a important and small segment of society that deserves one’s trust and recognition of their similar values and goals in all having a loving and sustaining and fulfilling relationship.
Written by: Joyce DeWitt.