If you ask someone what is intimacy, you will quite the varied answers, or at times even a vague all encompassing definition. All can be true in one form or another. Let's take a look shall we.
Their are some fundamental roots to the definition of intimacy. I would argue they include the following strands of having a connection in some manner that goes beyond the physical, and therefore a connection. That would be the easiest and most pliable definition we can work with here - a connection between two individuals. We can further layers to this such as the ever important trust. Further adding the important component of communication between both individuals. Add to this the importance of communicating ones feelings to each other, both good and bad, in a consistent manner.
Lets take a closer look at the levels and layers of intimacy shall we.
The first, and most would argue and agree strand of intimacy is the required emotional intimacy. This is what drives the intimacy engine. It is the centre piece of all what we know the term intimacy. Emotional intimacy is when one tells their mate their most deepest thoughts and desires. Their fears, and their loves. It is here in these moments, that you feel and believe in the trust of your mate when making these comments about your true feelings on a variety of subjects.
There is also another lawyer of intimacy what s called Intellectual intimacy. What is that you ask? This is when you make a connection in an intellectual capacity that can take various forms when discussing topics. It can be topics on anything really - your likes, fears, wants, - debating art, film, sports, nature - where there is an exchange of thoughts, and acceptance by the other side. Call it mental sword fighting, and you can then grasp what is meant and defined as intellectual intimacy.
What about spiritual intimacy? Some believe in it strongly, while others believe its a hoax and does not exist. Proponents argue that spiritual intimacy goes beyond physical and emotional intimacy, by believing together in a higher power than yourself. That by together, believing in a set of core values and beliefs, that at one point you will experience spiritual intimacy that cannot be enjoyed in any other manner. Is it real or not is up for debate, but for those who do share their religious and spiritual beliefs, they say and swear that there is no greater intimacy than religious intimacy,.
Physical Intimacy. Well, who doesn’t know about physical intimacy? However, the experts contend its not exactly what you believe . That physical intimacy can only occur when you have emotional intimacy to be the real deal. Others contend that is not true, and that physical intimate is more basic and raw and that it entails exactly what is meant and signified. Some also argue that there are certain steps one must take alone and together as a couple to achieve intimacy. This is called leaving yourself vulnerable. Another way of saying it is to be completely be vulnerable and not hide behind any mis-truths or past stories. To shed an walls you may have, and to bring such walls all down. That takes an enormous amount of trust in your partner, and a hope there will be no judgement either. In addition, most professionals would agree it is impossible to bring down all walls, since may exist you may not even know about. As well, others would argue that is not good to remove all walls, that some sort of emotional security is needed. That if one tries this step of intimacy, that it should be taken slowly, and deliberately. That gauging your partners reactions to each and every wall. From there, to discuss and see what comes from it before you decide to tear down another wall.
Some argue that there is actually a language developed by the various signals given in moments of intimacy. Lets take a look shall we?
There seems to be quite a few visual and non visual cues for intimacy.
Positivity. This means you give affection and praise to your mate through out the communication of works. This is simple enough, but it is asserted that there needs to a certain amount of praise given over the course of a months to be valid and working.
Quality. This is when you make time out of your schedule, again, in a consistent manner to spend with your mate. To have success and achieve a long lasting intimacy one must be consistent with this action.
Service. This is when you go out of your way to do something for your mate. The act could be small or large. The point of this exercise is that your mate sees you doing an effort for them, and that you are achieving concrete examples of effort and being thoughtful towards them. This goes a long way in achieving intimacy.
Gifts. An act simply enough, whether it is warranted or not, of giving thoughtful gifts to your loved one. This act will make them feel wanted, desired, and appreciated. Over a consistent and long term. it will make the strands of intimacy even stronger in the relationship.
Some have even coined the term verbal intimacy. The use of words to express your own feelings towards your partner. One must do this act over a considerate period of time to validate and communicate your thoughts to your loved one. This can also be done in what is reoffered to as non-verbal intimacy. What is this? This is what you would commonly refer to as physical intimacy the one that is most recognized when you ask someone what is intimacy.
Conclusion.
The main fact you can take away from this brief article is that intimacy must be worked on over time. It is not simply physical intimacy, but others as well that have to be nurtured such as emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy and others. In the end, an effort goes a long way in improving you and your partners intimacy by working through it together - it is a two way street to be successful here.
Written by:
Joyce DeWitt