What is Panamory? Panamorism or pansexual polyamory? Sometimes referred to as panamorism, or even by some pansexual polyamory.
The basic and most simplest definition for Panamorism is when you have love for an individual and there are no boundaries. Now that sounds quite vague and at the same time potentially dangerous for a relationship. Let’s take a closer look, shall we? At its core, panamory is a combination of two sexual spheres - one being pansexuality and the other being polyamory. Those who practice panamory say that of all sexual forms of relationship It is by far the most fluid and open. This applies not just for sexuality, but as well as for relationships and true love.
So what does that mean in the pragmatic world? It can mean anything you want it to be. You could have sexual romantic relationships, non monogamous connections with any type of individual, or any type of self identifying gender. You can have one or a hundred relationships. Let’s look at these two key concepts, pansexuality and polyamory a bit more in detail. Once we understand these two concepts we will have a better clarification of what is panamory and how it relates to today’s dating world and society in a broader general context also under the LGBTQ umbrella.
Let’s take a first look at pansexuality. Pansexuality is the ability for an individual to fall in love with someone, regardless of their gender or gender identity. That means you can love anyone who is a man, a woman, non binary, transsexual, trans identity or anyone else under the ever growing gender identity umbrella. In addition, a core criteria is also, by its amalgamated definition - one could have one relationship, two relationships, or ten relationships - all at the same time. The key here is that all your partners must know about all the other relationships. As long as you are open and honest of who and how many you are dating. (Although in real life that may not be the case).
Therefore, the combination of these two spheres make up panamory. The two key identifiers are - one, to have as many relationships as you want - and two, any type of individual to fall in love with. A combination of the two and the best of both worlds some would say.
Another key aspect of panamory is the ability to form deep connections with individuals, whether it be sexual or emotional. However, one must be open to all your partners about this. The element of being open not only in your communication, but to the idea of genders, identity and multiple relationships.
An important key also is communication with all your partners, as well as consent. One important goal in making panamory work is the notion of of rejecting any type of jealousy or possessiveness by yourself and all other partners. In reality, this in particular will be difficult to enforce while easy to embrace in theory. Finally, the main thread that runs through panamory is the word we hear often in modern relationships - fluidity. Fluidity runs through the concept of one’s type of relationships and one’s sexual orientation. Fluidity also exists in the intensity and type of one’s relationship. From casual dating, sexual dating or a more serious relationship - or a combination of all or nothing. That is your choice. Again, fluidity is in the nature of panamory.
Proponents like to point out the panamory existed long before we became aware of the word. Proponents point back at its historical context and its cultural phenomena where it began. Let’s take a brief look at these facts. They say cultural panamory actually began in the 60’s and 70’s. when traditional norms of men and women and sexual exploration took place. Another area they point to is the gay rights movement. which they say expanded same sex panamory even further. They conclude by saying that its origin of polyamory as a separate and distinct sexual and normal relationships were coined here in this era.
Today, this, of course, is wrapped under the emergence of terms such as non binary, fluid gender and multiple identities which took place in the last decade. The convergence of all these theories and beliefs - both pansexual and polyamory -. needed a new reference in terms of language. Hence you have the emergence of the new distinction of what is referred to as panamorism. Proponents will state that panamory brings new approaches and variations. Variations of gender, sexuality, relationships and love. Critics will point out that such vague ideas also lead to particular challenges and issues if one is going to be a panamorist. Let’s look briefly at some of these issues and challenges below.
First issue we can explore is misunderstanding by society of what exactly is panamory. The notion that society does not understand, is nothing new and to be expected since its unfamiliar territory for many. Many will argue that when they say to a partner they are a panamorist and have to explain to them that it is a combination of pansexuality and polyamory. That they often face unfair judgment or stereotypes or even discrimination in some cases. When they talk about discrimination, they’re talking about primarily the legal issues that are faced by them. They argue legally, relationships are primarily based on monogamous relationships. This causes potential problems for them in housing. relationships with their own children. as well as potential health care issues for themselves and their partners being panamory.
Another issue panamory individuals face is an issue that is of their own doing and making one would argue. They say they don’t have enough time because having several relationships at the same time can be quite taxing. The ability to make time, prioritizing time and enjoying one another is limited in scope. Again, this is an issue that is only particular to their particular relationship and is part and parcel of it is what it is. Another issue they described facing is finding individuals accepting of this relationship and will participate in this relationship. That there still exists a stigma or stereotype. Again, this is not an issue f general society when this type of relationship seems to be on the very outer periphery of various fringe relationship status.
Panamory individuals also say there is a stigma attached by coming out public as to what they are. They are made to feel shame or even doubt themselves that such a relationship exists. And if it does exist, it is not based on a true relationship, but rather one’s sexual appetite. That the continual negativity towards this relationship makes them internally suffer, causing trauma and lack of self confidence.
To conclude, if one is going to be panamory then one has to realize and accept by being part of a fringe relationship identity. There will be unique challenges and issues one will face with happiness. Happiness always comes with a price. Hopefully, as society becomes more open and accepting of different versions of gender, sexuality, panamory will become more accepted. Thus allowing individuals in this type of relationship to have a fulfilling and happy relationship with whomever they choose to be with.
Written By: Joyce DeWitt.