Transfeminine dating in the modern world. What is a Transfeminine individual? A Transfeminine individual is someone who was male at birth and decided later in life to be identified as either female or an effeminate individual. As anyone can imagine, dating as a Transfeminine individual brings its own challenging issues and complex challenges.

This touches upon many different issues - such as one’s sexuality, one’s gender, and how they identify with that gender. In addition, how does society perceive them and what it expects from them in the dating world. There is no denying that a trans feminine individual dating situation has improved to where we are today. Of course, there are still many, many more obstacles - both in society as well as legal issues. But let’s look beyond that as this short essay will attempt. Rather we will focus on potential obstacles a transfeminine individual faces in dating. Not only in finding intimacy, but permanent love as well.

Before beginning on this brief introduction, it is first important to define what transfeminine means. This term of Transfeminine falls under a large umbrella of individual terms and types. This includes many different individuals and different gender forms. This can include transgendered individuals, non binary individuals, and individuals who simply want to express themselves in a feminine manner. As you can see, being transfeminine is all inclusive, very diverse umbrella. It includes individuals in different stages of their life - both socially, medically. and none of the above.

Let us not forget that being transfeminine in modern dating brings with it several potential self issues. The primary issue is that while dating someone, a Transfeminine person is also on their journey of self discovery of their feminine self. The goal here for a transfeminine individual in dating is to find romance, sexual gratification, but also being recognized as who they are. That means being loved and accepted for the gender they identify with. The flip side of this coin,. It can also bring very real issues of discomfort, rejection of your true self by a potential partner, and on the rare occasion violence.

Let us now look at the challenges Transfeminine individuals face in the modern dating world. The first and most important one is disclosure. What and how to disclose your Transfeminine to a potential partner can become an issue. If one waits too long to disclose their gender the potential of violence may occur. or harassment if waiting too long. Also, the potential partner may accuse you of an attempt to deceive them. So as you can see, a Transfeminine person faces the difficult issue early on with a potential relationship as to the question of when and how to disclose their transfeminine identity.

Another issue is the idea of fetishization. This is when the transfeminine person is looked at as a sexual object, rather than an individual fully developed as a person worthy of love and a permanent relationship. Many transfeminine individuals speak of this objectification being damaging to their psyche, their personality and to their self identity. They call it the process of dehumanization.

Another issue of great importance is the limited pool of individuals to date. Many state transphobia permeates dating apps as straight men will not date those who identify as transfeminine. This of course reduces the number of available matches and mates for a transfeminine individual. Thus, causing more stress and discomfort in finding potential love and a longlasting relationship.

Problems of intimacy is another area of discussion. Depending on their stage of transforming to transfemininity, it can not only be complicated but quite vulnerable for the individual. Their partners should be informed at every step of the process - what to expect, and how to understand it. The more information that is communicated the easier it should make the issue of intimacy between the partners be resolved.

There are those within the transfeminine community who speak of being marginalized more than the mainstream in the transfeminine community. Those first would be people of colour. Others would be those who have some kind of limiting disability. There are also further identities that are marginalized in some manner that makes dating even more difficult for them under the banner of the transfeminine community.

Those in the transferment of communities say, yes, online dating has improved, but it has a ways to go as well. The many dating apps do not include them. And even when they do include them, people within these apps have inappropriate behavior, sometimes even harassment. As well, as the ability to misgender intentionally to hurt their feelings. However, let’s not simply concentrate on the issues that affect those that are transfeminine and are attempting to date. There are many transfeminine individuals who have successfully had fulfilling and loving relationships in the modern dating world. Let’s look at some brief strategies for success.

The first would be confidence in one’s identity. If you have accepted yourself and are comfortable within your own skin, this will show others that you are confident. A confident individual tends to attract more mates.

Second most important aspect in dating would be communication. Honest, forthright and open. Stating what your goals are, your desires and what you expect from this potential relationship. The question is simply when to make these statements - usually when you are comfortable in your beliefs, and when you believe your partner is comfortable in hearing this.

A strong suggestion is to always seek support from your friends and as well as your community. The Lgbtq+ community offers many levels of support, both in person and online. You can even find various apps that deal with your particular gender to make you more comfortable and successful in the dating modern world of being transfeminine.

Let us not forget education and educating those around you. The better you inform your friends, colleagues, coworkers and your date, but yourself and your experience is becoming transfeminent, can only help in your situation of finding a successful love partner. However, do you remember patience is a virtue here, something that is unfamiliar to people does take time to understand. 

Written By: Sheila Coppser 

Conclusion of this brief essay transfeminine in today’s dating world can be successful. However, we can all agree there are very unique challenges as well as very unique opportunities to find your true love. Hopefully, one day, all members of society will be able to be free and love who they want without being judged or chastised by society and its norms.