Peacocking. When one first hears the word Peacock what is the first that comes to mind? As we all know, making a first impression, especially a strong one, is very crucial at the first point of contact. Most would agree that the term Peacocking refers to a strategy to stand out.
Peacocking can mean a variety of things under that umbrella, but primarily it means standing out from the crowd in some kind of distinctive manner, whether in fashion, behaviour, or some other effect. This brief essay will look at Peacocking and how it affects you in dating. What are the pluses and minuses of peacocking, and how to do it in a manner that’s successful.
Originally, the word of Peacocking came, ironically enough, from the world of Peacocks - how a male Peacocks acts, and how their behaviour is when mating towards female’s. As we all know, the male peacock attempts to attract the females attention by spreading out all his wings and feathers trying to be as impressive as possible. This exact behaviour is evident. This is equally evident in the dating world (except in the case of feathers - for most!). We use a variety of different attempts to attract someone’s attention. This attention can be done through a variety of means, usually through one’s behaviour, but also through clothes, and toys such as cars, boats, etc.
We tried to retrace the historical roots of peacocking. We can see that it actually started to become more commonly used as a term roughly in the early 2000’s. A profession called the “pickup artist” and a community of such artists started using the term. Pickup artists argued that the first way to Peacocking would be to wear clothes that are extremely flashy. By wearing flashy clothes, it can bring up a conversation starting point between you and the person you’re interested with. This original story reminds me of two particular television episodes/shows. One is The Big Bang theory and the other is Jersey Shore on MTV. In The Big Bang theory you see Howard dress up and wear something flashy. He says he read up on how to get a woman’s attention is through such clothes. Switching to the New Jersey shore you can see a common trend amongst the men, each wearing a garishly loud t-Shirt.
These particular t-shirts were not cheap either. In actuality, they started to become a fad, an expensive fad of peacocking with this t-shirt (brilliant move by the fashion manufacturer). The point of these t-shirts, is that they were extremely loud, large, bright and colorful almost like a large, colourful tattoo. The point again was to draw attention to themselves that a person wearing such a loud and bright T shirt is actually confident of their abilities and confident (add arrogance or stupidity if refering to the show). Confidence of course increases one’s attractiveness in the dating world.
Getting back to its origins, yes, Peacocking as a word or term most likely did begin in the early 2000’s. However, the idea of trying to impress a particular sex to be attracted to you goes way before this time. There’s no question of this if one looks throughout history. The status symbols, power, all variations of peacocking to attract a potential mate. The majority of psychologists and sociologists agree that Peacocking is hard wired in the DNA of males - an instinct to mate above us. Humans have always tried to show others why they should be chosen. Even the attempt at peacocking has positive effects, they say. For example, the idea being noticed above and outside the crowd. Whether you succeed or not, it has had the desire to affect people noticing you. As well, they argue if one is noticed, and it is a positive effect, usually these positive effects overflow to other traits the person may be looking at you. A spillover effect.
As mentioned before, even standing out shows to everybody you are confident whether they know you or not. For some, this confidence even raises one’s status socially. Also when we speak of fashion, a particular type of fashion, peacocking, can associate what type of person you have or what kind of personality you have simply by your style of dress. We all remember in high school, you had your fashion crowd, your preppy crowd, your goth crowd, etc. You are identified by a type of dress code, and with that dress code , certain characteristics are inherently given automatically, whether they be true or not.
Remember, the whole port of Peacocking is to attract someone so you can actually initiate a conversation. Even if you fail in most capacities, peacocking will allow some measure of success. The rest is up to you. Of course, many have written articles on what it takes to be successful in Peacocking or how to take the next proverbial step. Pickup artists were not in the wrong when they said there is tremendous competition out there and Peacocking regardless of what may think of it - If nothing else it will get you noticed, good or bad. It reminds me of the adage “there is no such thing as bad publicity”.
Of course, the more noticed you are, the higher the chance of meeting someone. At worst, they will remember you. If not now, perhaps another occasion. Plant the seeds as the old axiom goes. and reap the wheat later on. Also, while we’re still the topic of fashion, remember the fashion choice you make in style attracts a similar kind of person as well. Birds of a feather as the saying goes. Now let’s look at some of the side effects of Peacocking. Some will say you’re trying too hard. That is a valid criticism. I’ve seen it numerous times when men try extremely hard to be different or stand out and fail. Of course this doesn’t simply stay with one gender identity. It goes across all spectrums. I remember one fat fellow in university who used to be at the school cafeteria. Every time a girl came to sit at our table with a coffee, he would start shaking his wrist. He would shake his wrist so his Rolex watch would fall down to his hand, and then he would twist it back and forth, hoping to grab the girl’s attention. I admit, most at the table were jealous of him, but in the end all of us hated him. It was such an obvious ploy not only to us, but to the girls as well. Personally, I don’t think it ever worked in attracting anyone.
Other negative side effects of peacocking (other than being desperate for someone to see you) is if you finally succeed in getting someone’s attention, it may be the wrong kind of person/attention. Now again, that’s difficult to say, since we all have to take baby steps. I believe this drawback as mentioned by critics is not fair, and not really a drawback, but common to all potential mates. When you meet someone, you’re not going to know if they are right for you or not. You will have a more substantive discussion or go out on dates. Then you can see if they are the right person or not for you.
Finally, which again I’ve noticed numerous times, is when people attempt to peacock it does not represent their true self. They are putting on a mask. This ends in failure 9 times out of 10. In the end, I would suggest that peacocking is never a bad thing in this day of competitive dating - whether grown up toys, clothes, one’s body, - one has to use what they can to attract their potential mate. All is fair in love and war as they say especially in the digital age of modern dating.
Written By: Anthony Rand