For the sapiosexual individual the most important and attractive criteria in a potential partner - be it sexual, romantic or platonic is intelligence. Let’s look at the root term to see where it originates from. Sapiosexual, like most words in the English language, comes from the Latin language.
The general interpretation would be clever, wise or smart. So as you can see, for the sapiosexual the primary criteria of attraction. sexuality. or even romance has to be one’s intelligence. Let us not forget though, that there are secondary criteria that are attached of equal importance for the sapiosexual. To this secondary criteria for intelligence there can be a whole host of different factors depending on the individual. This could include personality, humor, and of course, physical appearance. Individuals who claim to be sapiosexual argue that their sexuality and identity exists on a scale. The bottom low end of the scale, intelligence is a factor, but one of many. At the other end of the scale intelligence is the only factor.
Sapiosexuals usually find themselves somewhere in the middle of this scale. They see intelligence as the primary factor but along with other characteristics one may find. in a partner. What are these secondary characteristics? Let’s take a brief look at what these characteristics could be. Let us not forget before we begin that being sapiosexual goes beyond intelligence attraction. It also includes arousal and sexual attraction. Following this, most sapiosexuals agree that having conversations of deep and substantive value makes the partner seem that much more attractive.
Sapiosexuals also speak of having a connection with a partner that is mentally bonding. With most relationships, emotions and physical connection are the primary bonds. Sapiosexuals though classify their mental intelligence connection as the primary bond. This intellectuality usually can take many forms - such as when a partner similar to them are curious, wanting to know more facts about a particular interest, or a thirst and knowledge of new things. The idea of passion of your partner having, begins a growth intellectually and sexually is a very attractive trait for a sapiosexual.
Another arousing trait for sapiosexuals is stimulating their own mind through a competition of sorts - a conversation with their partner of fencing a wits. This can also include engaging in various activities that exercise the mental well being of the sapiosexual. At times this takes place for the sake of sexual activities of stimulation. Some have argued this Is actually a form of mental foreplay. or a prelude to physical foreplay.
Sapiosexuals have made it clear that they are not elitist as some critics have pointed out. They will argue that academic achievement and educational institutions are not the end and be all of their sexual attraction. While they value this form of intelligence - sapiosexuals argue that values can be found across the entire spectrum. This may mean all values and interests of thought, logic, and passion that the partner may have. This can also include artistic merit. What matters to the sapiosexual is what intellectual passion their partner brings to their potential relationship. Curiosity. depth of knowledge. and passion are the keys to a sapiosexual foundation.
Let us now look briefly at some of the issues and complexities that present itself to a sapiosexual and his search for a relationship. Whether sexual, platonic, or romantic. Sapiosexuals often lament that in the dating world, their pool is quite limited. The reasons are several. The primary one being that their standard of intellectual curiosity and achievement are difficult to find. Add to that when it is finally found, the secondary criteria - physical attraction. is not available Therefore finding another sapiosexual individual can be quite limiting in the dating world - whether online communities, in an app, or in the real world of social get togethers.
Another issue that can occur is the misunderstanding about sapiosexuals and what it means. There seems to be a lot of negative baggage towards sapiosexuals. Critics will argue dismissing them as elitist and pretentious. Taking the argument further. that there is no such thing as sapiosexuality. It is not a real sexual identity.
Another issue that could cause complexity and problems in a sapiosexual relationship is that while the sapiosexual looks primarily for an intellectual attraction, they must address a balance in their life. The primarily being one’s emotional needs. Sapiosexuals tend to have an issue or a problem in balancing intellect along with one’s emotional needs.
When one does find their potential mate, an issue can arise here in the form of competitors. This is where each partner considers themselves smarter than the other partner and tries to prove their dominance through intellectual matters. This runs the counter to the other partner’s feelings. Making them feel diminished or less masculine (If the partner is male). Regardless of the sex or the sexual identity, sapiosexual competitiveness can ruin a relationship if not addressed in the beginning.
Where does the accusation of elitism come from? Well, sapiosexuals admit they have a difficult time because of this. For example, Casual dating. If they do not find the intellectual stimuli they are looking for in the beginning of the date, they will dismiss their partner early on. They state that without a strong intellectual bond between them in the first moments then they are no longer interested in this potential partner.
This criticism, of course, delves into the issue of placing too much attraction on the primary characteristic of intelligence while not looking for other traits that may compensate for this in your mate. The absolute criteria of overt intelligence may be too absolute and therefore should be limited to attract a wider dating pool.
Regardless of the criticisms leveled above, many sapiosexuals say they do find fulfilling relationships. Whether sexual or romantic in nature, some of the key advice they would give in finding a potential partner would be the following. Firstly, make sure you are open, honest and clear to your potential partners of your sexuality, and what you’re looking for from them in terms of intelligence.
Secondly, seek like minded individuals and like minded events to attract the same. Anywhere where intellectual activities may take place - such as book clubs, lectures, university functions, political events, or even film clubs.
Finally, sapiosexuals state right from the very beginning on your first date to be open in your conversation. Self realize that intelligence takes many forms - not simply just in discussion. Rather, give value to artistic interest, problem solving issues, and other forms that may fill your need for sapiosexual desire. In the end, by keeping an open mind as to what defines intelligence, as a sapiosexual you too can find love or physical intimacy in the modern dating world.
Written By: Anthony Rand