So, you’re curious about sugar dating? Step into a space where high-class, companionship, and cash meet - sometimes.
Sugar dating basics for beginners: The four key things every sugar baby should know.
1. Understanding the Dynamics.
Before beginning, it’s important to have a clear mind about what sugar dating actually means and what it doesn’t.
Don’t think of it as a job
Sugar dating is not a salary job; it’s an exchange and not a transaction. You’re building a connection, not just collecting payments. If you treat sugar dating like a business transaction, you will attract men who will treat you like a commodity. colorful language creates strong and everlasting ties between couples. Consider it as a relationship with certain expectations, only with additional benefits.
Sugar Dating is something of a Unicorn
All arrangements are unique - not all relationships are platonic or romantic. Some involve gifts, others a monthly allowance. Define what works for you. A way to stay in a relationship that works for someone else won’t work for you and that’s okay. One of my most enriching experiences in the sugar bowl was purely a mentorship one-I gained a lifelong career adviser and I never felt pressured to do anything I wasn’t interested in.
Like good clothes, spot the fakes easy
Don’t let the almost equal use of sugar daddy (SD) and salt daddy fool you. There is a difference. A “salt daddy” talks a big game but won’t deliver. Learn to spot the red flags. A real SD won’t make you chase him for what was promised. If he does not bring cash at dinner or suddenly he has cash trouble, he is playing you. I once had a guy try to convince me he’d pay me “next time.” Spoiler: There was no next time.
2. Setting Boundaries and Expectations
You’re in control. Make sure you stay that way.
Decide Before You Start. That means decide what you want! What are you looking for mentorship? Financial help? Exciting experiences? Be clear with yourself.
If you don’t know what you want, someone else will decide for you. Don’t waste their time (or your own) by swiping if you want a non-smoker or someone who wants kids. I thought I’d just wing it, but I wasted so much time without any good conversations.
Having contract conversation early.
Even if it is unspoken, have it. Will you meet weekly? Is travel involved? Are there any deal-breakers? Get it all out in the open. Disaster of unspoken arrangement is looming large. I once thought a guy knew I didn’t like sleepovers. He assumed otherwise. A very uncertain discussion happened at 1 a.m. that could’ve been avoided entirely.
Don't feel like you have to do anything
No amount of cash is worth your unease. If the arrangement doesn’t match your values or safety, don’t do it. It doesn’t make you difficult when you say “no”. A guy offered me a ridiculous amount for something I didn’t want to do. When I said no, he said, “You will never get a better offer than this.” No? I did.
3. The Tricky World of Sugar Safety.
Remember - none of this matters if you are not protected. Remember to protect yourself in all the manners - be it physical, financial or emotional - all are important
Screen, screen, screen and more screen your date
Please verify their identity. A real SD won’t mind a little due diligence. Video calls and background checks are your best friend. Don't take it lightly. If a guy isn’t ready to talk on video or meet for a public date, walk away. A guy once used old pictures, and when we finally met, I didn’t see the same one. If he’s lying about his face, what else is he lying about?
Public meetings are always right and the best start to meet.
Always meet at a safe public place for your first meeting. No exceptions. Select a coffee date, hotel lounge, or fancy restaurant. A man once made me go to his penthouse “just for a drink.” No thanks. If he respects you, he’ll respect your safety.
Never, ever, rely on one person for your finances.
One should not depend on one person for income, a sugar arrangement is not a job. Have a backup plan. Always. As a sugar baby, you earn really really good bucks. But you should not depend on one. I noticed that women panic when their sugar daddy suddenly moves up or terminates the arrangement. If you have money, you are the controller, not dependent.
4. Keeping It Classy (and Smart)
You're entering an exclusive club .
Spend money on yourself - pick etiquette, dressing well and developing your conversation and art. High-quality SDs appreciate high-quality companies.The way you present yourself to the man you attract. I once received an offer for six months' allowance merely because I was able to differentiate between Bordeaux and Merlot. Knowledge is power.
Discretion is key. An important key - remember this well.
Don’t flaunt your arrangement. Privacy protects both of you. Don’t post your new designer bag on Instagram and tag your SD. This will be the fastest way to lose him! I learned this the hard way when a friend blabbed about my arrangement to mutual friends, and my SD immediately cut ties. Lesson learned.
Knowing when to exit is a very good rule!
Not every arrangement lasts forever. When it stops benefiting you, gracefully leave (also a parting gift, perhaps).
I had a wonderful SD once, who started getting a little too attached. Rather than ghosting him, I thanked him for everything and ended it in a positive way. Two years later, he still sends me Christmas gifts. A classy exit keeps doors open.
5. Always Manage Your Emotions and try to stay in control.
Sugar dating can’t just be about money. It can get tricky emotionally too. Protect your peace.
Do I want to catch some feelings here?
Don't start to fall in love unless you are ready to face the consequences of that. Establish the line between feelings and what’s part of the deal. It’s easy to get swept away with all the romantic luxuries like lavish dates. But at the end of the day, remember why you’re here. I once had a crush on an SD but learnt he had a whole wife and family. Ouch.
Keep your independence emotionally always.
Don't depend on any SD for emotional support. Have a life outside of sugar dating. If your friends often miss out on your company because you're always available for him, cut off a bit. The best SDs respect your independence. If a guy thinks you’re “too high-maintenance” for not being available 24/7, he’s likely not worth your time.
Always trust your gut. Always!
If something doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not. Walk away from anything that makes you uneasy.One of my biggest regrets was ignoring my gut. I took notice of a guy who gave vague responses to personal questions, but I thought nothing of it until I found out that he was lying about his whole job. If something doesn’t add up, believe your instincts.
Final Thoughts: My First Arrangement.
I had no idea what I was doing when I started sugar dating. I got matched with a wonderful guy as he was charming, successful and generous. It was a novice blunder of mine to not set any expectations. After a couple of dates, he thought that I was on 24/7, texting me all the time and getting irritated for other plans. I felt I must please him but, in reality, I didn’t want to do that.
After an uncomfortable dinner, I finally stood up to him. I politely said to him that our arrangement wasn’t working for me and I wished him well. Walking away felt so empowering. A week later, I met someone who fit my expectations neatly – because this time, I had some!
Moral of the story? Have some standards, express them clearly, and never accept less. You’re in control. Always.
1. Essential Tools for Sugar Dating
Use these nuggets to help wade your way through the sugar world:
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Sugar Dating Apps – Use a quality platform like iluvsugar.com (who thought I would say anything else?)
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Screening – Use tools online to screen someone. Especially their social profiles.
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Private Communication – Never give out your personal info or banking info.
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Fake Name – How about using a fake name on your first date?
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Emergency Contact – Always tell a family member or friend where you are before your date.
2. Sugar Date Questionnaire
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1. What are your personal boundaries with this date?
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2. Am I open to discussing finances with this person?
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3. What kind of sugar experience am I looking for?
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4. What is my exit strategy if I am no longer interested?