Thirsty we all know what it means in the relative context. Do you know what it means in the digital dating world? We can confidently say that many of us, especially males at a very young age, had encountered being thirsty at one time or another, much to our great detriment. Many sociologists have determined “thirsty” as the largest negative baggage modern term today in the modern dating world.
Simply put, thirsty means ”an eagerness bordering on desperation” in trying to keep or get a romantic interest. This eagerness, which seeps into the many areas of desperation, also usually crosses over into people’s personal boundaries. In addition, it intrudes into people’s comfort levels to no end. Proponents will argue that a mild thirsty is always ok for an individual - being interested in somebody and pursuing somebody. However, once someone becomes thirsty in its truest form, all bets are off. Being truly thirsty begins to sabotage any chance you once had. Let’s not forget being thirsty is not just for the initial states of romance, but also when you have a romantic partner. You can become thirsty during the relationship, which again will put a quick end to that relationship. This brief essay we’ll look at the idea of dating thirsty, how it is created, and how not to fall into the trap of being thirsty. By avoiding the “thirst” you may have a successful and long lasting relationship and/or successful romantic experience.
When someone mentions thirsty to me, I hark back to the innocent days of my youth. Most of my friends, including myself, would go overboard for a particular girl. Sometimes these efforts were looked at as unselfish and innocently charming, while other times it boarded on “too much attention” and would kill any chance we had of getting to know the person. Thankfully, most of us have outgrown the thirsty concept and know our own borders and proper social engagement limitations. However, on the periphery I can admit that I know some individuals who still to this day in their middle age are still thirsty in some manner. All I can do is shake my head at the inability for them to learn of their previous actions and the outcomes of such actions.
The idea of being too much, overbearing, or giving one person too many platitudes whether one is seeking romantic interest or one is with a romantic interest is cringe worthy in this day and age. By being thirsty it is not only offensive, but by doing such an action it undermines once confidence in oneself. There is no need for such indulgence, especially if you are already in a relationship. Borders have to to be maintained not only for the relationship, but also borders on your self respect and self identity. You must always have respect for yourself. Let’s look briefly at some of the red flags of what thirsty behaviour is.
One of the first most obvious signs of being thirsty is the ability to send numerous messages to someone - way more than what is necessary. Some call it a love bombardment. Continually messaging somebody when they don’t even reply to your text or if they do reply you send them another 10 messages - an overkill. This bombardment can also manifest itself in phone calls as well. Or, leaving numerous messages on their social apps. Pick your thirsty poison. One piece of advice here to anyone is - relax! Balance your messages until you have a comfortable and systematic conversation with someone on a normal and healthy give and go level.
They did what?
Another thirsty incident is something I refer to as giving too much information. Giving this information much too soon in a relationship or even on your first date. Who wants to hear about your ailments or how you spent time in the hospital in detail? No one wants to spend time listening to your allergies or diseases. Most people are turned off (and with good reason) by someone mentioning gory events in detail or talking about strange subjects in detail. The first date is not the time to open up and bury your soul. Rather, it’s the opposite. Be polite, be kind and be within reason. I remember on a date night, right from the get go she was telling me the various sexual positions she liked. I was thinking to myself this is not a porn film. On the other hand, some people may like that - an open bravado right from the get go. But I’m willing to bet most don’t, and they would consider this a major turn off (unless of course you pick your date up on Tinder or Grinder then all bets are off). Another no on the thirsty scale is the ability to be always free for that person, no matter what you’re doing, and what you’re willing to drop. That’s another constant turn off. Again, have some self respect. If you’re busy and can still make time for someone, that’s fine. But not at the point where you break off previous important engagements with family and friends on a regular basis.
Another large no the thirsty scale is the ability to be too aggressive in your courtship. This aggressive behaviour can manifest itself in many different ways. For instance, touching somebody you do not know or touching them in a way that makes them uncomfortable. In addition, continually asking or pushing someone for intimacy when they may not be ready. This is especially true in the early stages of dating.
One of the most common red flags in the thirsty scale would be the “stalking on social media” flag. You’ve seen this on countless television shows such as MTV’s Catfish. This red flag can be seen when someone is obsessive about another person’s profile and continually leaves comments that are unwanted or not responded to. Furthermore, instead of quitting after no response, the thirsty person doubles down on their behaviour. They continue the process of further harassment, posting and showing an online presence to the other individual who certainly is not interested or no longer wants to see them.
Another common “thirst” is a trait that has been around since the dawn of men - jealousy. This can manifest itself right from the beginning. Some, even before knowing somebody can become jealous of another person - whether they know them well or not. I know I was guilty of this at one time when a girl who I had briefly dated had commented to a fellow online person - who by all criteria was an absolute geek. He had made some poor attempt at humour using a dragon character? which made absolutely no sense. She replied in kind with laughter and commented on it. Social flirting. I thought to myself, how could she stomach this guy? I left a snide remark, and she never forgave me for it. Thankfully, those days have left me. Geek away.
We talked about social love bombing. There is also gift bombing which can turn into cringe as well. This is where you give too much and too soon to a person in gifts and affection. Numerous gestures that are much too large for the occasion. It reminds me of a Frasier episode when he was guilty of love bombing a particular blonde with chocolates, gifts and platitudes until she got sick of him - and rightly so.
In the end, sociologists say all of these thirsty actions come from true affection and feelings. However, they have the opposite effect when put in use. They push somebody away, as opposed to pulling them in, which is your original intent. So in the end, the solution is simple. Take a deep breath. Relax. and play things slowly. You will find greater success.
Written By: Anthony Rand