Transgender dating in the modern world. Being transgender offers various challenges. both simple and complex. For transgender individuals wading into the dating world - issues such as identity. and when to come out to your partner and disclose.
Any type of stigmas, be it within the LGBTQ community or the greater society stigma. In addition to any concerns in regards to one’s personal safety ongoing on going on a date with a stranger. All can be serious dating issues for the transgender person. We can all agree that the emergence and acceptance of transgender people has grown exponentially in society. However, that does not mean that all the issues have been solved when it comes to transgenders finding a partner, sexual intimacy, and finding true love or a permanent relationship. Such hurdles are still not the easiest for transgenders to find. This brief essay will take a look at some of these issues and what can be done to succeed in the transgender dating world.
Let’s first try to define and understand transgender identity. The word transgender is an umbrella term for people whose identity is different from the sex they were given when born. This large umbrella can include many different forms of identity. Transwomen, transmen, non binary. and all others who fit in between these categories. Let us not forget while dating transgendered people can be in different stages of their journey. For instance, finding love as well as sex can be great happiness for transgender person. The idea of being respected and loved and identified as who and as you are by your partner. However, the opposite could be true as well. When the individual is rejected for their identity, resulting in times unfortunately even into violence.
It is important to remember. not to stereotype a transgendered individual. Being trans means. one cannot automatically assume what their sexual irritation may be. They can fall under numerous categories and be diverse as heterosexual. heterosexual. bisexual, gay. or any other sexual orientation they choose.
Let us take a closer look at some of the issues transgender individuals face in the dating world. The first and most obvious is safety. This is tied into their timing of disclosure to a potential dating partner. The question of disclosure is always based on timing, which is unique to every individual’s comfort level. Does one come out and say they’re transgendered early on? Or does one wait until a sexual encounter is about to occur? This is a difficult question and best to be answered by every individual as they see. We have seen in the media, often too many times of violence towards transgender individuals when they have come out and been transparent with their partner. Reactions have been unfortunately violent at times. As one can see, there is always a significant concern within the transgender community of this happening.
Another issue is that the transgendered community complains about a dating pool that is quite shallow compared to the native population. This is due to a lack of understanding, as well as transphobia, that limits the potential dating pool. Many people often exclude transgendered individuals from their dating possibilities. For trans individuals, over a period of time, this can become depressing, demoralizing. and a sense of defeat in their identity.
Some transgenders argue there’s also a negative opposite side of this as well. That there are many straight males who adore and fetish the transgender body. The men see a transgender person simply as an object, a sexual object novelty that they can appreciate but will not date over a period of time. In this scenario for the transgender individual is that the desire of love is missing from such fetishization. The transgender person again feels in a manner devalued, damaged, and in the end, questioning their identity
Physical intimacy is another issue that comes up in transgender community. Depending on one’s medical transition. not only can it be physically difficult, but emotionally as well. To achieve some form of harmony here, communication must be open and transparent between the individuals. The transgender individual must communicate in an effective manner to their partner. Any boundaries or needs or even their own vulnerabilities. to make sure that physical intimacy can become an enjoyable activity. In addition, understanding and patience are the required criteria here to make physical intimacy successful for all parties.
Let us not forget that discrimination also exists amongst those who are marginalized in the trans community. Those individuals such as people of colour, or people who have disabilities, and others, rightfully argue that they face discrimination not only from the larger world, but from within their own community as well. Dating for them can be even a more difficult area of their lives.
Finally, online dating. While dating apps have made huge strides and there is a dating app for every type of relationship the trans community says there is much more to be done. Many vanilla dating apps still don’t include the transgender community as a viable option to the larger masses. Most times, when filling out a dating app, the questioner does not include trans individuals or various gender identities. Such apps also allow the individual sometimes to exclude entirely a trans individual simply based on their identity. So there is much more to do the dating app world
Let us not forget, regardless of these issues, many trans people end up leading happy and fulfilling relationships and finding love. Let’s now look at some successful dating tips to have a successful transgender relationship. The first tip would be have confidence in one’s identity, accepting oneself unconditionally, If your partner sees that you are confident as to who you are and identifies as, you will always have a greater chance of success in a relationship. Let us not forget it’s not an easy issue to accept. Remember, If one needs help, whether from a community, therapy. or even self help it is always advisable to do so.
Some suggest there is no more important tip than communication. Precise, clear and open communication with your potential partner. The communication umbrella is vast, with many issues that can be discussed. You can tell your partner how you identify and what that means to you, them, and the relationship. What your needs are, and any boundaries that you feel would be important between you and your partner. Let us not forget this again crosses into the issue of disclosure as well as timing. That is a conversation up to the individual and it is always best to do so as early as possible in the relationship
Two wise words were once said education. and having patience with your partner and society. By educating your friends, your partner, your potential partner can only have a positive experience. Having patience with them will always be a mandatory criteria - to educate those less informed. As mentioned prior, seeking support in whatever fashion is always a good idea. Whether you go directly to LGBTQ plus groups or individuals, LGBTQ plus apps or community services, and outreach programs. or even specific dating apps. These are all good ideas to start with and hopefully somewhere we will find the support and love you are looking for in the modern dating world.
Written By: Bonnie Tyler