The trials and tribulations of a transmasculine person dating in the modern world. Dating as a transmasculine person can be quite complex. and experience fraught with issues both for the individual and the person they are dating. The reasons are many for this - a combination of one’s sexual identity, one’s gender identity, and the expectations from society that come along with it.
Many will agree that the dating world for transmasculine people is much easier today than ever before. However, this brief essay will look at various issues and challenges as well as particular tips for achieving success in the dating world - for either intimacy, love, or simply a long lasting relationship.
What is trans masculinity? Let’s identify it first. Transmasculine is a term that can be found under the large identity umbrella. This includes, but not exclusively to: men who are transgendered, women who are transgendered, people who identify as non binary. Add to those genders that have a percentage of masculinity in themselves and identify as such. As you can see, such an experience as being transmasculine is quite diverse and accepting. Let us not forget trans masculinity is also based differently for various individuals in their stage of transition -be it medical or social changing.
Dating for a transmasculine person can bring a lot of joy once you find the right mate. The ability for someone else to accept you, and to be seen with you and identify with your gender is pure bliss. We will call this an affirmation. However, there is a flip side to this. To get to this point transmasculine people will say they have to go through a gauntlet of rejection, loneliness, and at times dangerous situations. Let us look then, at some of the issues that face a transmasculine person when they are dating in the modern world.
Disclosure is a very important element for the transmasculine dating world. How you disclose to a partner and when you disclose to a partner can be a very traumatic experience Expectations and reactions can widely vary. Sometimes the reason being disclosure is too early while other times others will argue disclosures are too late. The key to disclosure is based on every individual’s own timing. The most important thing to remember if one does not want to be accused of deception You want to be as open and honest as possible to your potential dating partner. If you take that route, as you’re underlining the key then disclosure should be a non issue in the relationship.
The availability of a dating pool for transmasculine individuals. There are many apps that are available for the transmasculine individual. However, some transmasculine people. will argue that they’re dating pool is much smaller than the heteronormative individual. The reasons are many. primarily that transphobia still exists in great numbers amongst the populace. Since most men will not date trans masculine individuals, they argue the dating pool is severely limited for them. That may be very true but the existence and acceptance of trans masculine individuals grows day by day. The availability of dating apps that do accept transmasculine individuals is quite substantial and many have found love and relationships through these apps.
Physical intimacy in a new relationship is another issue. Transmasculine individuals discuss since each individual goes to their own path and journey of self identity and discovery issues can arise with a new mate. Physical intimacy can be an issue that may cause problems depending on one’s journey. Therefore it is best to discuss with your mate as soon as possible what is and what is not acceptable in your intimacy. Try to set up boundaries as well. Attempt to educate your partner as to what is happening to you and what will happen to the future and how it will affect (if at all) your intimate relationship.
Let us not forget, even though discrimination exists, it does not exist only on the outside society but also within the Lgbtq plus family. Discrimination can still exist against one another. Transmasculine people of all sorts, whether people of colour, or on the marginalized fringes, primarily say they too face discrimination within their own community. In the end, it seems education will be the key to success for the transmasculine dating world.
In addition, while online dating has made tremendous strides, the people that use these apps can also be quite discriminatory towards a transmasculine individual. Transmasculine people often state when engaging on dating apps numerous issues arise - particularly comments that are offensive, types of intentional misgendering, and at times harassment. In spite of the many issues one sees above, let us not forget that transmasculine dating can be successful in the dating world of today. Many have long fulfilling relationships and it is possible, and not the most difficult to do so today in a more embracing society. Let’s look at some of the strategies for successfully finding love today.
The first I would suggest is confidence. By having confidence, not only as an individual, but embracing your true self, your true identity, it works wonders in the dating world. By accepting your true self, it shows to your partner that you are confident in your identity and therefore confident in the potential relationship. Self-acceptance by yourself will allow a greater path of self acceptance by your partner.
Another important criteria of successful dating for a transmasculine individual will be communication. Communication that is clear, forthright and honest. By telling your potential partner what your needs are, what your expectations are, how you identify, can only help solidify your potential relationship. Remember, trust and openness is key to any successful relationship, regardless of one self identity and sexual feelings. By being honest and upfront as to who you are, you also filter out individuals who are not compatible with you or your identity.
It’s also important to remember to seek support within your own community. Lgbtq services both online and in real life offer tremendous support to transmasculine individuals. Offering support in all phases - their process, their growth, and their issues with dating in the modern world. Also, one can find romantic connections as well as friendship in the LGBT communities in support both online and in person. It’s always good to take advantage of these situations of support which is always a good idea.
Finally, remember that patience will be a key virtue when dating, regardless of one sexual identity. Also, education will be a key component moving forward as you inform your partner and those loved ones around you as you go through your journey and self identity. By doing this. you will be able to navigate and have a successful long term lasting relationship.
Written By: John Abigail